There are a lot of things in this world that are just uncool in any language. I do things that would make even the most remote tribe in Africa say, "that was really uncool." Like yesterday when the UPS man delivered my controlled substance medicine. I answered the door with my hair trying to pull itself off my head and a hamster in my front sweatshirt pocket -- I was really happy to see him. I signed his little electronic device thing with one hand holding my hamster and explaining to him that I had a hamster in my pocket so I only had one working hand. He didn't care. He only wanted to hand me my meds and get away from the crazy lady as fast as possible. He had other deliveries to make to more conventional people, people who don't brush their hamster's luxurious locks with a Barbie comb. (In my defense, my hamster enjoys being combed.)
My little sister and I are planning a trip to South Dakota next month around the time of my birthday, which is the same as Jeffery Dahmer's. Of course I would have the same birthday as someone so obviously uncool as that. We are making a pilgrimage to the Laura Ingalls Wilder sites, both being big fans of her since we first cracked open Little House In The Big Woods -- too long ago to remember when that was exactly. We have been there once before, but went with my whole family in a group that more resembled a traveling circus side show instead of a family trip. In excited preparations for the trip, I dusted off my sun bonnet, which is an official Laura Ingalls Wilder bonnet, and polished my "I Love Laura Ingalls Wilder" pin that will be firmly fastened over my heart for the duration of that whole trip. Sugarbowl told me how uncool both those things are, and said she knew I would be wearing them the whole time of the trip regardless of anything she says. I had to point out -- unnecessarily in my opinion -- several truisms to her:
First, cool people do not hang out at Laura Ingalls Wilder sites. It's not like a bunch of hot boys are waiting there to meet someone. In fact, any boys we do see have probably been dragged there by their wives for their little girls to see the sites, and even then I am willing to wager there won't be many of them either.
Second, it's hard to be cool when you have to lean on your little sister's arm for support. I am still not ready to use a cane, so someone's arm is my only other option -- well, that or a shopping cart, but I don't foresee too many shopping carts there either. And this time I am prepared for anyone stupid/rude/socially inept enough to ask if we are gays, so bring it on!
Third, like I care if it is uncool. That has never stopped me before and it's not going to stop me now.
See conceded that I was right and accepted my right to be uncool, even going so far as to say she might look into a sun bonnet for herself. Check and mate.
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