Friday, October 25, 2013

Things I'm Tired Of

In order

1. Cluster Headaches
These are the worst thing I have ever experienced. Period. Period again. Bar none, NONE. They make MS look like a fun and lighthearted day in the park. I am so tired of being in the grip of them, of being scared of getting one while in public, of being a prisoner to them. I'm taking a new medicine now that has really helped bring down the severity of the attacks. I still get a few breakthroughs that bring me to my knees, but for the most part it is helping. God am I tired of clusters.

2. My Ex
That man is going to be the death of me. And if that is the case, I better be the death of him too. We get along for a little while, then he pisses me off. I stop talking to him. He leaves me alone for as long as he can stand it, then little by little he starts texting me again until I cool off enough to start responding to him. We talk for a little bit until he pisses me off again, and then I ignore him and we wash, rinse and repeat many, many, many times. He pissed me off early in the summer, we were talking by the time I went on vacation in August. I sent him a "glad you're not here!" post card, and I meant every word of it. Sometime in September he pissed me off and I have not responded to any of his texts since. He has tried every tactic to get me to respond and I have come close, but I'm not ready to put up with his smug jackass self that makes me regret ever talking to him in the first place. Yesterday he was desperate because he was "in full hunting mode and I knew what he needed. All seriousness. No B.S. Just give him what he needs and that's all." What he needed was me to text "big bucks no whammies." That's it. That is his superstition about hunting. If I don't say that to him (or text it, whichever the case may be) he won't get a big buck, he will get a whammy. And it has to be me. I used to say it whenever he was going hunting and he said that it brought him luck, now it's my curse. I told him that I am not talking to him again until hunting season next year, I'm not joking. Big bucks no whammies. 

3. Grocery Shopping/Being Mother Hubbard
I truly do not know which is worse because they both suck. I hate grocery shopping. I get so worn out from it and then don't get much else done the rest of the day. I make menus, I make a list, I buy fruits and vegetables, and try to keep a good selection of foods in my house, but many of those things get eaten fast or need to be eaten fast which then makes me Mother Hubbard again. I don't have a lot of junk food around so my cupboards really are bare. I need to throw away some old cereal boxes but, damn!, that will only make it look worse. I know it's good to not have a lot of junk food, but when you are really tired, a little junk food sounds so nice and quick and easy and... nice... mmmmmm....

4. Being Startled By The Sheriff At Your Door Looking For An Old Neighbor When You Look Ridiculous!
I'm working on some different projects around here so I'm wearing old clothes and a bandanna on on my head. I'm typing away when a sheriff knocks on my door officially startling me and horrifying me that I got caught looking like this! As soon as I hit "Publish" on this I'm heading upstairs to take a hot shower and put on pajamas. Instead of getting caught looking like a dumpy old housewife, I could have at least got caught looking like a clean dumpy old housewife. 

You know what I'm not tired of? Right now I'm enjoying a version of Swan Lake from the 60's. The technicolor! The hairstyles! It's like Swan Lake meets Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. It's so gaudy and bright and fabulously terrible that I can't tear my eyes away. I just wish I had some food to eat... maybe tomorrow I will go grocery shopping if I can't find anything else to do. 

Thursday, October 10, 2013


I'm a pretty forgiving person in general. I don't have too many things that are absolute deal breakers, there are a few, but not many, and even then with the right apologies etc. they can usually be worked out. This morning I ran into a total nonnegotiable. At 3 am almost to the minute, I was woken up by my cluster headache. This is the usual time so I just glance at my clock to make sure we are on schedule and to track the starting time so I know when to expect the end time, then play the waiting game. I recently started new meds so the severity of my attacks has really come down, so much so that I can play games as I wait out the 2 to 2.5 hours until the hot sledgehammer is done hitting me on the left side of my face/head. Sometimes, just to shake things up, instead of the hot sledgehammer to the side of my face, the cluster will take a pvc pipe and try to force it into my eye socket with the sledgehammer. It likes sledgehammers because they can really get some force behind them and they cause more widespread pain. But the cluster headache wasn't the problem, nor was the fire that was burning in my legs, thanks to my MS that wanted to remind me that it was still there in case I forgot, because when clusters are in town, I don't notice anything else. A pack of wild rabid possums could be gnawing off my leg and I wouldn't know it if I was having a cluster headache at the same time. But worst of all, stuck in my head was that Popo Zao (or however you spell it) song that Kevin Federline did. What in the name of tarnation was that song doing in my head, actually, just that one line, "let me see that popo zao." When was the last time you even thought of that song, or remembered that he did it? I can't remember the last time I thought about him, or the fact that he wanted to be a rapper and tried by making that one song that I think I listened to maybe twice on gossip sites years ago. I tried to think of every catchy song I could. Every song that when I think of it, it is stuck on repeat in my head for the rest of the day, all to no avail, even now that one line keeps popping up. I'm so ashamed. I'm ashamed that somewhere in a wrinkle of my brain, I stored a line of that song for years and it popped up to keep me company at 3 am along with my burning eye and legs. Why couldn't my MS attack that area of my brain? It's probably too busy destroying all my happy childhood memories to worry about silly things like useless snippets of obscure songs. It's unforgivable. 

I'm bored stiff with MS, literally and figuratively, so I am going to start writing about other subjects that are of interest to me or going on in my little world. I just wanted to give the heads up so no one is surprised if they come to a MS blog and read about how my dog threw up under my bed, ate it, threw up again, and then I threw up. These are things that are so exciting that I could not possibly keep them to myself. Now I got to go get into the shower because if I get into the shower just before Princess's alarm starts going off, she will get out of bed faster than she ever has to come galloping in to make sure I don't use all the hot water, how long am I going to take, why couldn't I wait, etc. etc. and that is just too much fun for me to resist.