Monday, April 13, 2009

Taken For Granted

Of all the things I miss and took for granted, a normal body ranks pretty high on that list, right under a bed to myself without all the animals hogging up my side of the bed when the whole bed is my side of the bed. Deep in the throes of an attack-that-couldn't-possibly-be-an-attack-because-I-am-on-Tysabri, I have been thinking about all those things I took for granted the majority of my life. I miss not having this overwhelming fatigue that steals my ability to go ovaries-to-the-wall all day long, even though I no longer have ovaries and I never had balls, which are way too overrated of things anyway. What's so great about some saggy appendage that only makes you an oversexed being? I suppose never having had them, I do not see the allure of having them dangle off my body and being second only to the appendage up North. My loss I suppose, depending on what sex you are and how dear you hold your saggy body part.

My right hand is going numb right now. I noticed it when I woke up yesterday morning (or middle of the night depending on how late you sleep in). I thought maybe I slept on it wrong and it fell asleep so I kept massaging it and shaking it to wake it up, all to no avail. After an hour I realized all the shaking in the world ain't gonna wake it up and I have to now add it to the symptoms that are kicking up in my non-attack. It feels like someone shot Novacaine in my hand, focusing on my thumb and wrist. Last night someone shot more Novacaine into more of my hand and up into my arm while I was sleeping -- darn them to heck! My numbness comes with a hypersensitivity. When anything touches it it sends these shock waves up my arm and sometimes it likes to send them up into my scalp, making my hair feel like it's standing on end more than usual. I'm left handed so I wear my watch and bracelets on my right arm, which is not possible right now unless I want more shocks going up my arm. Before when I had the attack that took my right side for several months, I had to stop wearing my MS bracelet or any kind of clothing with a rough texture to it unless I wanted to rip off that clothing in public and risk getting an indecent exposure ticket. I never put my MS bracelet back on because I found that I enjoyed playing the guessing game more than just giving away the answer to people who are trying to figure out what is wrong with me (2 words, rhymes with Knuckle Scoliosis). Last night I leaned over the couch to see if the DS game that I am currently addicted to fell behind it, forgetting that my right hand is numb, missed the mark to support myself and fell face first into the hard part of the couch bruising my face around my left eye where I already have pain from my optic neuritis. I writhed and moaned on the floor while everyone else laughed and enjoyed the show. I suppose me being such an obnoxious pain in their asses entitles them to laugh, even though I saw no humor there.

There is a whole list of things I miss, but I don't want to write a novel in the form of a post (Super Twin powers activate! Form of a long-winded Blindbeard!). I could talk about how I miss not having this tight painful girdle squeezing the bajebus out of me, making me think maybe I am just having extreme hunger pains, eating half the contents of the kitchen only to find the damn MS Hug just pulled a fast one on me AGAIN! I keep falling into that trap and imagine myself dangling by one foot from the kitchen ceiling while eating an entire loaf of French bread.



Does it help in anyway if I collude/support/yell out your belief you ARE having an MS attack? OK, I didn't think so, but thought it worth a try.

Damn doctors know nothing...

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