Wednesday, April 1, 2009

My STDs Are On The Way!

Nothing makes me happier than getting STDs in the mail. I love to announce to everyone that my supply of STDs will soon be replenished. I wouldn't want them to worry about me running out. I have been stressing about whether I would get them before I did run out, so it sets my mind at ease knowing they are on their way. Come home to the oak tree, my little STD acorns! I was concerned that I wouldn't get my gonorrhea (Ritalin), chlamydia (Neurotin), or syphilis (Baclofen) before I ran out and had visions of pain, fatigue, and stiffness taking over my pathetic life -- even though they are welcome to it. Thank goodness that all my crabs that died off (antidepressants) will soon have new ones to take their place! I love getting a package of STDs and keep a sharp eye out for the mail person so I can thank her profusely. I wouldn't want anyone to doubt my excitement about receiving them and knowing they didn't fall into the wrong hands. All those STDs could get ugly in the hands of someone with less-than-noble intentions.

*Author's Note: My mail order meds come in a package with a huge STD stamped on them. I know that means "Standard" but it's more fun to assume it means something else. Simple minds, simple pleasures. Now, if you can excuse me, I need to wait by the door for my STDs.


Diane J Standiford said...

I used to live in a bad area, drig dealers/users trashy gangs, and I was always conerned when they dropped my meds out front. Took awhile to get used to "by mail" but now I'm good. STD, LOL

The Ardee Man said...

i like your blog, especially the sponge bob quote