Tuesday, September 2, 2008

R.I.P. My Marriage 2001-2008

God, what a relief it is (plop plop fizz fizz) to have closure on a messed up relationship! I went back to my old house 2.5 hours from where I live now, to help my going-to-be-ex husband get all the papers finished to get the divorce rolling and to help him drain the pool the right way, without ruining the pump or flooding the street, which the neighbors don't enjoy for some reason. He thought we could have a little "fun" but I don't do sloppy seconds and after being together for over 9 years, I know what his fun entails and I ain't interested anymore. He has been going out again and I noticed the change in his behavior, the way he acted with me, his lack of dying for some sexual attention that was present a few months ago. He may think I'm not that smart, but he sorely underestimated me. I could smell the different smell in the house, a kind of perfume or girly soaps and shampoos that did not add up to his usual scent -- and I know this for a fact because the man only uses a certain soap and shampoo, and never anything too feminine or he won't touch it. I am not even slightly jealous so it doesn't bother me at all. I know what a prize he is not, and I hope the woman who dates him sees the signs and either leaves or has the strength to fight back, which I did not have the last few years.

When I look at the signs of an abusive relationship, it scares me that my marriage followed that pattern so perfectly. I feel like I dodged a bullet by getting out when I did. His increasingly controlling ways that tried to isolate me from my family, his way of being a bully to others and not letting me console them when they got upset, his increasing alcoholism and anger that would lash out over the smallest detail that was overlooked. No, I am not jealous of any woman who gets him. If anything I pity the fool who falls for the facade he puts up before he really gets to know you.

Right after I left he went a little "crazy" and did some stupid things. Things that worried me that he might go too far and hurt himself or me -- a fear that kept me from moving on with my life until he had got to a better place. After seeing him this last time, I feel comfortable with moving forward with my life. It is such a relief to be able to put my dead marriage to rest and be able to get on with my life. I felt like he was killing the best part of me; stifling, smothering, draining me of myself. Now I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me. I feel the freedom to start my life anew from this point on. I am so glad he has moved on and thus set me free. It has to be one of the best feelings there is. The freedom to find yourself and be yourself without having to worry about someone else.

5 comments:

Jen said...

Good for you, Blindbeard. Although I can't completely empathize with what you're going through, I can tell you that I admire your courage, wits, and ability to walk away, all while you are dealing with MS, financial rockiness, and the uncertainty of becoming your new self. I hope that you someday write for a public medium, because your candor and excellent writing skills deserve the brand of your true name.

Denver Refashionista said...

Congrats. You always deserved better.

Anne said...

Congratulations! I am very happy for you and that your state of mind is so level-headed.

You are a prize that someday, some one will treasure.

Kimberly said...

Now you can be YOU. You've come full circle and you realize that he has absolutely no power over you. Not anymore. Good for you! Now....LIVE your life! :)

BRAINCHEESE said...

For some strange reason, the theme song from "The Jeffersons" is running through my head...but only the first line. "We're movin' on UP" la dee da da...

Linda D. in Seattle