Saturday, September 27, 2008

Gross Out

*Author's Note: What is wrong with me today? I feel like a blow up doll that someone left the air-blow-up-nozzle-thingy open on and all my air drained out. Is there an epidemic of lethargy sweeping the nation or just my house? We are all lazy and sprawled out like we are boneless. Ugh, trying to muster up energy to do anything but can't seem to. Princess claims she is tired and lazy but she hasn't stopped talking since her eyes popped open this morning; think her constant chatter is adding to my lethargy -- can't get out from under this mountain of words.

You guys crack me up! I have a very high thresh hold for what grosses me out -- it takes a lot. Precious little will truly make my innards churn, which is why I am always the one to clean up animal/kid vomit, or anything else others gag over. Even shock sites like and others of that ilk do nothing for me. It doesn't bother me, except for the empathy I feel for those who suffered such a hideous fate. In fact, the other day my little sister was looking at and came across a picture of a man who died in his bathtub because he put his heater on the edge of the tub, which then fell into the tub electrocuting him and they did not find him until quite awhile later, by which time he had become a sort of human soup. I found it funny -- not him dying that way, even though its hard to feel too much sympathy for someone who would put a heater on the tub -- but because of the whole soup thing and my little sister's horror at it. I tried not to laugh, but every time I thought about it I would start to snicker and my little sister would become grossed out all over again. I know karma is going to off me in a hideous fashion that will give amusement to the other sickos out there like me, and I am okay with that. I know I deserve it, so I hope it gives a good laugh to someone. That's why I don't go to those sites, because, believe it or not, it does make me feel bad to laugh at that stuff, but I cannot find it in me to feel pity for someone who died because of their own stupidity -- like trying to steal cable and getting fried by the power lines. Did nothing go off in your head that said, "this may not be a good idea, messing with these power lines?" I do stupid stuff all the time, but even I know better than that. My ex husband was so easily grossed out that it caused so much merriment in me. The man had the lowest gross out thresh hold of anyone I've ever known. So here are a few of my favorite things that will make him gag and/or throw up if anyone mentions them:

The Ice Bucket
He works for UPRR and stays in a lot of hotels/motels. One time a guy he was working with brought some food from home that he insisted on sharing with the other guys in the gang. He put the food (I think is was scalloped ham and potatoes) in an ice bucket to heat it up and my ex husband had to choke down some to be polite. He can't even talk about it without gagging so hard his eyes water because he is scandalized that someone would eat out of an ice bucket. All he can say about it, without throwing up, is "do you know what people do in ice buckets?!" I don't know about you but the only thing I have ever done with an ice bucket is get ice. But he is convinced that there were manifold hideous, gross things done in that ice bucket that makes him sick to even think that he ate something out of it. When I am feeling irritable with him I will ask him what people do with ice buckets just to watch his reaction. It is a source of endless fun.

The Booger.
This one has to be my favorite. Princess has bunk beds and her little brother sometimes spends the night. He is now 7 and getting over his obsession with his boogers, but for awhile there we had to keep a sharp eye on him to remind him to get a Kleenex. I don't think that is anything unusual, most kids go through the booger stage, I will only gag when they eat them -- YUCK!! So one day my ex was in Princess's room to check on how well she cleaned it up, when he noticed a booger on the wall by the bed her little brother sleeps in. Her little brother, Pumpkin, was about 5 at the time and at the height of his booger obsession. The booger was nothing horrible, not anything but a small little booger -- I've seen much worse from my dog -- but my ex reacted like it was the most gross, horrible, nasty booger ever. He ran out of the room to tell me I needed to clean it off the wall but couldn't get all the words out. He was so grossed out that he threw up in the drain in the basement laundry room -- all over a little booger! It was right after Thanksgiving and he had had a turkey sandwich for lunch, which he was bitterly disappointed to lose to the drain in the basement. He can't even talk about that booger without getting sick at the memory. What a baby! You would never know that he can gut a deer and eat a sandwich at the same time with the way he acts -- and that makes me sick.

The Messy House.
This was the first story he told me that he gagged his whole way through and I laughed until I cried about. One of his friends was dating a girl that needed help moving some of the larger things in her house. Having a truck can be a huge disadvantage at such times -- everyone wants you to help. He went to help move her washer and dryer, but the house was such a mess and smelled so bad (according to him) that he couldn't go into the house without dry heaving. I'm sure she was loving him for that, but I have no pity for her -- clean up your damn house if you don't want to sicken people! He had to wrap a towel around his head to go into her house! That was the only way he could help them move anything. And the towel was one he had in his truck for cleaning it (the truck). I tried to get him to tell me what was so messy and smelly that he had to wrap his head up to go into the house, but he can't even talk about it. The best I have been able to gather is that she had crap everywhere and it smelled like dirty diapers and rotten cat boxes. He can't talk about it beyond that. I have seen some darn messy houses before, but I can't imagine one so bad as he claims that one was.

I probably shouldn't laugh at what makes others sick because the things that make me sick are probably nothing to others. Like anything with too many or not enough legs makes me SICK! There was a strange, hairy centipede in the bathroom the other day and even though my bladder was in distress, I still had to kill it with my little sister's hairspray before I could bare my bottom to it and tempt it to attack. I can't let the animals eat off of any dishes because then I will never touch that dish again and am paranoid that I may inadvertently get that one and eat off of it. It doesn't matter if it went through the dishwasher a million times, it will always be tainted to me. Strange the things people find disgusting...


Jen said...


Bill can't handle a lot of our cat Sandy's bodily excretions. Meanwhile, I adore picking black, dry boogies out of his nose, cleaning up his hairballs and actual throwup, and I'll pick up his hard poops with my bare hands if they land outside of the litter box. I almost treasure these times--sick.

I like watching anything medical on TV, like Discovery Health or Dr. 90210. I enjoy babies being born on tv (have yet to see it in-person.)And I enjoy watching an interesting murder mystery or crime show, although I don't wish death upon anyone.

When I was younger I wanted to study mortuary science or be a medical examiner. Hey-- people need these folks!

Jen said...


I thought of something that does make me queezy: wet toilet paper or napkins that start to disintegrate. Especially if said toilet paper is clogging a toilet.

I wave my freak flag high.


Well, I can handle ANY bodily secretion, except puke...hurl and I hurl with you. Does THAT count?

Oh, and I have been in practically every should-be-condemned-rat-infested/fecal-infested house in "crazyville Seattle"...never bothers me. Unless, of course, they SPEW!

Linda D. in Seattle