Tuesday, September 9, 2008

I'm A Legend In My Spare Time

Yesterday I woke up with an idea that can only be chalked up to divine inspiration. Being a true child of the late 80s and early 90s (even though I can't stand cherry chap stick -- all medicines growing up were always cherry flavored) I loved In Living Color, especially Handi-Man. His catch-phrase of "never underestimate the powers of the handicapped" was rolling around in my head and giving me ideas that were too good to ignore. I also have a deep love for alter-egos and dressing up. I decided that it was time for me to embrace my inner superhero and become Handi-Girl. I have a cape that only needs to be attached to an acceptable shirt and I have commissioned my mom to make me a suitable skirt. There is no way I am going to wear spandex pants -- I gained too much weight from steroids to scare the women and children (or maybe I should say men) of this town! It has to be black because that is the most slimming (and I really need that!). I am working on a symbol for my shirt, one that is recognizable, respectable and can easily be ironed on (I have those things where you can make your own stuff to iron on to clothes).

I will be the defender of the gimps, a symbol of the injustice we suffer at the hands of the non-ataxia challenged. With my cane and reaching tool I will stop those who want to park in handicapped parking "real quick" when there are those who really need it. When we have to fight to get decent medical care I will be at the forefront to protest the injustice of "the rich stay healthy and the sick stay poor." When the SSA plays the how-long-can-we-drag-this-out game, I will be there fighting to have our voices heard and to help those who need help find the resources to continue the good fight. Handi-Girl is going to join the ranks of the MS advocates (at her local NMSS chapter, of course) to show that we will not take the SSA rewriting our disease and telling us how our disease is regardless of what respected neurologists say about it. She will not tolerate their unfounded beliefs that our symptoms are not disabling and will work to get better representation for those suffering from what the SSA deems "mild and not disabling" diseases. Even if she has to gimp her way to every political figure or become a lobbyist herself (which I have been considering) she will not let those in power ruin her brethren.

Be prepared to see me make an ass of myself (nothing new there) by going about in my Handi-Girl outfit. I have beautiful plans for what I will do in it, like go to MS walks, advocate in it, maybe even start to attend some MS support groups in it, go to rallies (and if there are none, start one), the opportunities are endless! I know I said this before, but it bears repeating: The SSA messed with the wrong crackpot! I am not going to crawl away quietly with my tail between my legs and the more they f*ck with me the more determined I become.


~Oct said...

YAY Hani-Girl. I love it (and i didn't know our disease was in jeopardy of becoming a "mild nuisance". :/ What a crock that is.


~Oct said...

bah, i forgot a "d"

Jen said...

You're certifiable, but I think we've already established that.

A good historical read (if you haven't read it already) is All the President's Men, which is about Nixon and the Watergate scandal. Two journalists, one democratic and one republican, follow the case. Very interesting, and I'm not even a fan of politics.

Unknown said...

You go Handi-Girl!!!


Denver Refashionista said...

Rockin'. Maybe I would feel better if I started to wear a cape too.