I've Been Hornschwaggled

All I wanted today was a nap. A nap to get me ready for taking Princess trick-or-treating, but my husband took one look at me all comfy and dozy on the couch and decided that he had a lot to say. And he needed to pace the floor as he said it, and take and make many phone calls too. To shut him up I made a deal with him. He wanted to know where I had hid the Halloween candy, but I would not tell him unless he promised to quit talking and let me nap. I had hid my stash in the cupboard with the healthy snacks and foods, I knew it would never be found in there. No one else in this house would be caught dead looking in there; there is not enough fat and calories in there for them. When I told him where to find it he said he could not believe he had not found it before (!), and that a blind man could have found it. He ate so much candy he said he felt ill and pissed me off by eating more. The only way I got him to leave some was by telling him he would have to go to the store for more if we ran low. Next to my healthy food cupboard the grocery store is next in line of things to be avoided at all costs. I hope the kids will understand when they get empty candy wrappers from us this year. I hope they realize the real criminal here is him and not me, and egg and t.p. his car accordingly, not mine. He said he would just turn off the lights and sit here in the dark if the candy ran out--not hard to do when you eat yourself sick on it. I thought it was the kids that you had to warn about eating too much candy and getting sick. Hmmm, makes me think of "Plop plop fizz fizz"...