Thursday, May 7, 2009

Dear Blindbeard

*Author's Note: For some reason I can't get the spacing right on this post. No matter how many times or different ways I try to edit it, it decides to do it's own thing. Sorry for that but I know you will be able to figure it out anyway.

Dear Blindbeard,
Um, Doggie having to go isn't something you can plan for - or prevent. It happens now and then. However, you might want to consider banning pets from your room at night. Give them a bed right outside your door. Just a thought.
Dear Beautiful Webster,
In theory, I agree with what you are saying. But the reality of my life is that I enjoy my doggies in my bed -- please see attached picture, which I have hanging over my bed by the way. When my ex husband and I became pet parents, we said that the dog would not be allowed on the furniture. That lasted about 5 minutes -- 5 long furniture-free-from-dog minutes. My ex husband enjoyed the dog on the couch with him and the dog warming up the bed at night. I am surgical menopausal so I can't handle someone close to me at night or I will spontaneously combust. My ex is forever cold so he needed something to heat him at night. Now I have no fat husband to hog my bed and I have found that I prefer fat dogs to fat husbands. They don't talk in their sleep and are less gassy. And if they are too gassy, I push them out of the bed. It's a win/win situation so I (for the most part) will accept the occasional having to get up and let them out. If I close a door against them, they whine at the door and scratch at it, hence why I have to leave the bathroom door open when showering or they will ruin the door. I don't quite understand why they feel the need to hold me down all the time, it's not like my fat arse could blow away, but I accept their love and give them part of my bed in gratitude.
Dear Blindbeard,
I can't think of anything relevant to write, so I'm hoping a "Hi Blindbeard" will do.... It's finally warming up here on my edge of the country. I actually have to go out and cut down some bamboo sprouts today. We have running bamboo that goes viral this time of year and pops up all throughout the yard. Gotta get on the sprouts before they become too big and thick to cut down with hand loppers. The full-grown ones (in a cluster along one side of our fence) are actually beautiful and about 40 feet high. They make a great privacy "fence" on the one side of our yard.
Dear Beautiful Jen,
Hi. Your bamboo sounds great and I wish I had some instead of these stinky ugly bushes that we have growing around the perimeter of our yard. In my old house we had a bunch of pampas grass that grew in these great beautiful patches all over our yard. My ex always called it "pompous grass" like it was this stuck up bunch of grass that thought it was better than the rest of the plants growing in our yard, which I always found funny. He had a strange way of pronouncing different words, like sandwidge for sandwich, or how the things in your nose were burgers yet he would order hamboogers. Very odd but funny.


Jen said...

Chuckle....! Heading out for my annual MRI. Just the brain (I think my neuro's given up on the C and T spines. Too many lesions to count.)

Fair thee well..

Kimberly said...

I have to tell you. While have been experiencing the joys of a hospitalization and rehab due to an exacerbation, as always your blog has given me reason to laugh. Thank you!

Unknown said... that one...I usually refer to them as hangburgers. And spaghetti as skabetti. And roast beef as roast beast. And mashed potatoes as smashed....As you can see, I'm easily amused.


Anonymous said...

dear blindbeard... i am not good at typing. i enjoyed your blog? i am not very puter litterite. so, i have jade and aloe vera plants, living in fl. i do water at times they don't require alot of water. i am secondary ms, for what that is worth? tried almost all drugs my neuro told me to try. hey my cat, rascal is with me. he is a great friend right here. thx, susan

Webster said...

I see your point, BB, and I love that picture of the dog in the bed. I let two of my cats in my bed, and occasionally have to shoo them away when they decide to lie of my legs. It freaks me out when I can't move my legs! I think it's the MS!