Sunday, May 31, 2009

Dear Blindbeard

Dear Blindbeard,
Hi, What are sugar gliders and what do they look like? Laughed so much at the plastic bags that I cried and splattered my glasses so can hardly see now. Great fun, thanks.
Dear Beautiful Herrad,
Sugar Gliders are like squirrels but they belong in the marsupials group. They are more closely related to a possum then a squirrel. Sugarbowl is obsessed with squirrels, so she got these RODENTS. This spring she got serious Squirrel Fever and started shucking her fat arse up the trees to try and rape the squirrel's nests for a baby squirrel. She fell out of a tree and sprained her cankle. I told her cows do not belong in trees, so I got the power of "I Told You So!" I'm not saying they are not cute, but they are so incredibly annoying that I am hard pressed to say anything nice about them and would seriously recommend you DO NOT get them unless you do not value your sleep or money: their diet consists of a lot of expensive fruits and nasty worms that keep Sugarbowl running to various pet stores just to satisfy their cravings. The little dog got ahold of a container of meal worms and ate them on my bed! Sugarbowl boo hoo-ed over the $5 that went down the drain while I had to rip all the covers off my bed and boil them in hot bleach water before I could use them again. I'd rather lose $5 than have to wash all my blankets.
In addition to that LOUD bark they do, at night no less, they make this noise like an angry swarm of bees when they get stressed. Sometimes I get so annoyed with them I go in there and rattle their cage just to see the pouch they hide in start to shake and have them become an angry swarm of bees. If any cat or dog gets too close to their cage, they start that noise. If a gnat farts near their cage, they make that noise. If I'm enjoying a show, they make that noise. I'm sorry they are so high-strung, but having them in the same house as me is making me as stressed as them. I don't have a pouch to hide in to make a bunch of loud annoying noises, so I have to broadcast it so everyone in the house knows how much I hate them. I'm starting to wish that cows did belong in trees and Sugarbowl had gotten a squirrel.
Dear Blindbeard,
I am not good at typing. I enjoyed your blog? I am not very puter litterite. So, I have jade and aloe vera plants, living in fl. I do water at times they don't require a lot of water. I am secondary ms, for what that is worth? Tried almost all drugs my neuro told me to try. Hey my cat, rascal is with me. He is a great friend right here.
Dear Beautiful Susan,
Why does this letter/comment hurt my heart so much? Maybe because you are secondary MS and you sound like you could use a friend, which I'm sure after my readers see this letter you will have more friend requests than you can handle. I am glad you have Rascal. There is no better friend in the world than a loving and dedicated pet. I have too many dedicated pets and am convinced they are secretly plotting my death by tripping me and trying to make me fall down the stairs. Awww, nothing like such loving pets! Take care and I do not care how good you are on the computer, comment away!


Denver Refashionista said...

I once babysat a sugar glider. They are cute.

BTW, Susan's letter touched me too.


Sometimes I wonder if I am a pet being caged here on Earth by something larger than myself? Then, I take another Xanax and forget my deep thoughts...