Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Wipe Out!

*Update: I thought it was BC who said that about having PML, but I must be wrong. Sorry if I offended you my dear BC; my short term memory is not so great even on the best of days. The other day my little sister and I were shopping for dinner and decided on fish fillets. I asked her if we had any tartar sauce and I think she answered me, but I couldn't remember what that answer was. A few seconds later I asked her that question again and she asked me how many times I was going to ask her that. I told her I couldn't remember her answer so she told me again. About 30 seconds later I couldn't remember what she said our tartar status was at home so I sheepishly asked her for a 3rd time what that status was. She lost her patience and told me that she was not going to tell me, I would just have to wait until we got home to figure it out myself. The rest of the shopping trip I was obsessed with whether we needed to grab tartar or not -- I like tartar sauce on my fishies! We got home and I found out that we had 2 bottles of it in the house, to my immense relief. Now whenever I forget something they ask, "Do we have any tartar sauce?!" Ha ha and ha.

I woke up this morning thinking about how wiped out I am and that song popped into my head and has been on repeat since. I wanted to share the joy and hopefully lodge it into your brains. I could have put Tequila instead but whenever I think of that song I can only see Pee Wee Herman dancing on that bar with those platform shoes on. So take your pick of which song you would like to have on your personal soundtrack for today. Having a little girl obsessed with Hannah Montana, it is nice to have something new playing in my head. I tried to resist her music, but when you listen to it as much as we have, it is hard to do so. Some of those songs are so catchy and I am not that much of a snob to deny that they are catchy and unabashedly admit to liking a few, even to Princess, who responded with a "check and mate!" when I told her. The whole "check and mate" thing is our way of saying, "in your face! I was right!" and it feels good to be able to say it. It beats "I told you so!" which I find a little irritating, to say the very least.

I have to go see my neurologist again later today due to the problems I'm having. I would have fought the whole going-to-see-her-again thing, but she called me at home and blackmailed me into it, ie I was napping and she was adamant that I had to come in despite my resistance. No, it can not be handled over the phone, she needs me to COME TO THE CLINIC and run the gauntlet to see how much of a piece of shitakii mushroom I am. And a piece of shitakii I am feeling. My face! My ear! It feels like a hot ice pick is stuck in it and when it wakes me up when my pain meds wear off I think, in my sleepy haze, that I must have a killer ear infection. Then I realize that the pillows shifted, letting my face touch something and my pain meds reached the end of their allotted time to give me some rest. I have found a way to sleep that keeps the right side of my face off of everything: I space the pillows and lay my head in the space so that it is held up by the edges of my head. Viola! I get a few hours of sleep until my pain catches up and I toss and turn in an uncomfortable heap. Besides my raging TN, I also am having problems with my right side. It's twitchy and feels like an electric current is running through it, causing hideous spasms and muscle cramps. I can't remember if it was a blog post or a comment of Braincheese's that I saw where she said she was disappointed that her attack was not PML because she was hoping she would die and I can totally relate to that right now. When I mentioned that to my little sister her eyes welled up and she said she couldn't even think about that because she doesn't know what she would do without me. Flattering, but sometimes being in constant pain makes one yearn for release even though others want me here.

The other day, when I got home (at 4:30 am. My pain meds wore off so I left my fat sleeping soon-to-be-ex-hubby early) my roomies were dying to spring a surprise on me. When they woke up -- many hours later -- they asked if I had noticed anything different around the house. I could see the excitement and pleasure on their faces so I looked really hard to find a difference around this city dump. Before I could answer in the negative their excitement could be contained no longer and they told me they loaded the dishwasher and did 2 loads of laundry! They wanted to show me how much they appreciate all the things I do around here and do a few things to show that appreciation. Between you, me and the dog at my feet, I couldn't see any difference, but I lied to make them feel good. My little sister is a good cook, but why she has to use every dish and pan in the house to make a simple meal is a mystery to me, especially since I do the dishes. So, yes, she loaded the dishwasher but because she had cooked the night before the sink was stacked to the ceiling still. I didn't want to be ungrateful so I waxed poetic for them about the beauty of 2 LOADS OF LAUNDRY DONE and A LOAD OF DISHES WASHED! I must be a great actor because they were very pleased to have pleased me and that is what really matters. They tried and that counts the most. I am grateful to be appreciated and to have them do things to make me happy. It gives me warm fuzzies to know how hard (for them) they tried and how hard it was for them to contain themselves until I got home to see what they had done. So maybe I don't need PML, if only for their sakes. But for my own self, I am not opposed to some blessed release. But don't tell them that.



Mkay...I don't think I actually said I HOPED I'd die, did I?!? Dear Lord, somebody commit me now if I did! You might be referencing when I blogged about thinking I was having a STROKE one evening and deciding (as a good nurse would) it was too late to call 911 if I WERE having a stroke...so I took some sleep meds and decided if I WAS having a stroke, the best outcome for ME would be to choke on my saliva and die in my sleep (because I didn't want to be disabled from a stroke at the time). You don't need no stinkin' PML!!! Where would I get new swear words without you?!?

Linda D. in Seattle

Lisa Emrich said...
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