Wednesday, November 19, 2008

I Hate Holidays

I hate them with a burning passion and if I was all alone I would never celebrate them. If there was not a kid in the house I would ditch this whole merry orgy of consumerism and bah humbug it all. Not that our Christmases are over the top, we tend to keep it on the modest side. I can't stomach celebrating the birth of Jesus with a pretentious display of a mountain of gifts. It just seems wrong to me. Frankly, I really don't want any gifts at all, but my family buys for me anyway -- usually good stuff too. The only things I ask for are things that will help me in my day-to-day life, ie a good mop and bucket, or better cooking pans -- what I call "mommy gifts," gifts that help you do more for others. I hate the pressure to keep up and make it all great for everyone else when my overwhelming lassitude makes me want to heat up a TV dinner and lounge on the couch all day instead. I wanted to get a miniature tree, but no! we have to pull out Big Ugly and decorate it. I have a few great ornaments (Gone With The Wind, where Atlanta is burning and Rhett and Scarlett are outlined by the flames that actually light up) so that is a small consolation to having to play nice for another year.

Yesterday I announced to Sugarbowl and her bf/f that I am done celebrating any holiday, and I mean any and ALL! I hate them all equally so I am giving them up. I am not going to plant any trees -- even though I live in the state that started that one -- I will not send or accept any Valentines so just flush them down the toilet and spare me that trouble. I am throwing away my Viking hat and long, braided beard and will no longer observe Leif Erickson day (ding-a-ding-a-dorgan!). I am even ditching Daylight Savings. Sugarbowl said no one celebrates Daylight Savings; its not like people are dancing in the streets singing, "Yea! We get to set the clocks back/forward!" But I am not one to discriminate, so it must go. She can't wait to see me try to get to places on time if I reject Daylight Savings, but I will have the last laugh! I never have any where to go or be at a certain time and if I do have an appointment, I will merely explain that I don't celebrate Daylight Savings so could they please convert that time to non-celebraters time? I mean business and am sick to death of them all. Why should I have to be cheery and celebrate when I don't want to? I won't do it anymore. I'll buy stock in TV dinners and keep the couch company.

I hate all this Christmas music that starts earlier each year and when I go to a store that is playing Christmas music already it irritates me and seals my wallet shut. I won't go to church on Christmas because I have had to sing those songs too many times in my life and they do nothing for me. My little sister says it is uplifting and gets her in the Christmas spirit. I sit there bored stiff, start fidgeting, and wondering how much longer until I can get out of there and go to bed. I detest hard boiled eggs, candy canes, conversation hearts and mince meat pies. I do love pumpkin pies though, and my big sister is a cook that could bring a thousand men to their knees, so that is a small score for the holidays. But other than that I am standing firm on my decision to quit holidays, I'm even going cold turkey.

8 comments:

LISA EMRICH said...

Cold turkey sandwiches - I like those. Yum.

Denver Refashionista said...

Good luck with that, especially the rejection of daylight savings.

Jen said...

Hey Grinch!

Shauna said...

Turkey...yeah...with cranberries and stuffing.....

S.

BRAINCHEESE said...

Nobody celebrates Arbor Day, do they?!? (Sorry...was born in Nebraska and I DO know THAT one!)

Bah, humbug...

Linda D. in Seattle

pUNKrOCKfairy said...

I think I could totally get behind this if it wouldn't make feel guilty as a parent. My kids' birthdays are right before and after Xmas and my wedding anniversary is New Year's Eve. I know, what the hell was I thinking?!

Bubbie said...

Oh NO! Not Leif Erikson Day!! The horned hat and all?..you can't! LMAO

Heather said...

I'm curious as how your rejection of holidays went at Thanksgiving?