Monday, November 17, 2008

I'm Crabby

I don't mean to be, but when you are in pain and your whole body feels uncomfortable it tends to make one crabby. Yesterday, while lying on the floor trying to rest to get ready for Princess' basketball game, I was so uncomfortable and achy I started picking on everyone around me. That was not one of my better ideas. (Note to self: Don't start fights with others when you are unable to defend yourself.) They took my verbal abuse for about 7 seconds then retaliated. I scratched the bottom of my little sister's feet really hard with my long nails and she thumped me so hard on the forehead I think she fractured my skull. I moved on to Princess, with a stinging lump on my forehead, and she kicked my shin then dog piled me and mashed my boobs into one uni-boob. Not content with my battered, bruised and beaten body, I kept picking at them. Sugarbowl lobbed a ball of yarn at me and hit me in my bad eye, ie the left one. Princess gave me a wedgie and kicked my other shin to even out my pain. I raised the white flag... kind of. I writhed on the ground boo-hooing that I need a CT scan to see if I had brain damage and that I thought my shins were broken -- not to mention I think Princess' wedgie widened my crack and left it bleeding. I was no match for their loss of patience for my crabbing, so I took on the dogs. Unfortunately they saw me coming and ran away before I could annoy them.

Usually at Princess' basketball games the people are as rowdy as we are, but not yesterday. It was like a morgue in there. My little sister (Sugarbowl) has a voice that carries -- a nice way of me saying that she is LOUD! I told her I didn't know why we paid for a phone when all I have to do is tell her what I want to say to someone, put her outside and point her in that direction and have her bellow it. I got a good whack for my wittiness, to add to my other injuries. I told Princess that next year her mom was going to coach the bball team. She's going to stand on the porch with binoculars and yell what she wanted them to do. Sugarbowl's bf/f laughed and got his own bruise and my respect for daring to laugh at Sugarbowl. Usually no one stands up to her but me -- a bonus for being the older sister. So we went to this away game where the people obviously keep their dead in that town, it being so quiet we were like bulls in a china shop. My little sister thinks she has the flu right now: she has been voiding material from both ends for a few days. Yesterday she was feeling the bowel end of it all and spinning almost constant conversation from her behind. So we are in a dead quiet gym and she rips one that rattles the whole bleachers. I thought someone with rubber soled shoes was rubbing their shoes over the bleachers, it was that loud and long. Normally I fake that it wasn't me, but she turned bright red when several people looked over in our direction, giving her away and showing my innocence. She was so embarrassed that she made us move to the other end of the gym. Not an easy task for a person with MS. She pretty much dragged me to a new spot because she needed to move NOW! She sat us in a corner by no one else so she could continue spinning her conversations out her butt like a spider spinning a web. From there the day was pretty uneventful. We cheered and she farted with regularity and volume. I finally got home way past my nap time, sore and bruised for my bad attitude and too close to my next dose of meds to take the one I missed, so I was hurting from that too. The Neurotin kills my appetite and makes me a little fuzzy in the head, but the whole being-knocked-out thing is getting better. I'm starting to be able to function with the higher dose. I hope it continues to help me and my bad attitude. I don't have many places left without a bruise right now.

7 comments:

LISA EMRICH said...

Sorry you're still feeling so bad. But it sounds like you had a good time afterall.

BRAINCHEESE said...

I've heard of one's "butt laughing", but NEVER spinning conversation (being a fartiologist and all)!! Your mind does work in mysterious ways, keeping me captivated and spell bound!!! LMAO

Linda D. in Seattle

Jen said...

Such flatulence!

Shauna said...

OMG...forgive me AGAIN for laughing along with your story....did Sugarbowl really think that by moving with an alternatively abled person in tow that no one would notice?

S.

Webster said...

I am sorry you feel so crabby today, and now more sore than before. That said, nothing gets me laughing like a fart story, and yours put tears in my eyes. I know it's crude, but I'll take a belly laugh wherever I can find one. Thanks for that.

Denver Refashionista said...

Even when your crabby you have a great sense of humor.

kmilyun said...

OMG still laughing -thanks!