Saturday, November 22, 2008

Feel My Pain

I enjoy my mornings all to myself. I like to get up, stumble out the back door to let the dogs out while having a smoke, start my coffee, brush my teeth, throw my morning meds down my gullet, and get on here to play some text twist to jump start my slow brain. No one gets up as early as me and I like it that way. I get some time to myself to prepare for the day; a time to do my own thing in peace and quiet before everyone staggers out of their beds to harass and annoy me for the rest of the day. But not today. My 7 year old nephew is staying with us this weekend and I don't call him and his sister Talk-a-hontas and Jabber Smith for nothing. I barely had 3 minutes to myself when he boiled out of his sister's room, saw me up and started a running commentary on anything and everything he could think of. He had to catch me up on everything that I might have missed out on while we were all sleeping and then some. He started to play Wii and I sat here trying to do text twist with him looking over my shoulder suggesting words that didn't have all the letters for me to make and asking me what every word I got meant. When not trying to "help" me, he was asking me a million and one questions about the game he was playing on Wii, a game I haven't played and know nothing about.

Jabber Smith: What do these bombs do? Why is that guy over there?
Blindbeard: Stop picking your nose!
JS: What does "smite" mean? How do I get those bombs? Look at me do this!
BB: Do you need a Kleenex? Stop picking your nose!
JS: Watch me! How many times have you done this?
BB: Your going to make me sick! Get your FINGER OUT OF YOUR NOSE!
JS: Try "DOD." Darn! I missed that one! Look at this! Do you miss that one ever?
BB: "DOD" isn't a word. Your going to make your nose bleed. Go get the Kleenexes!
JS: Why aren't I moving? C'mon! They cheated!
BB: You have to hold the control the right way. If you eat that I will puke all over you!
JS: Dude! How many of your cats are boys? Do you have any girls? This one looks sad!
BB: Don't you dare try to hide eating that! If you don't get the Kleenexes right now I will PUKE!

And so on. My brains are fried and I can't even finish a thought between his constant chatter and my need for constant vigilance to make sure he doesn't find any snacks in his nose. I had to go get the box of Kleenexes for him and put them right next to him. It still didn't stop him from trying to hide under a blanket to pick in peace. I ripped the blanket off him and tossed the Kleenexes under there and threw the blanket back over him. He claims he is done with his nose, probably because he got tired of hearing about it, getting caught and not having his excuses for having his finger permanently embedded in his nose accepted. I wasn't hatched yesterday and I've had kids before. That and I really will puke if he doesn't stop it and if I puke I am going to do it all over him.


Jen said...

Seems like every kid I see is picking his or her nose after about 10 minutes and some go on to eat them while others just wipe them on something. EVERY KID. I don't remember doing this myself.

I'm having my peaceful time right now. During the week it's a no- brainer, because I'm here by myself during the day, but on the weekends I often get out of bed about 2 hours before the slug that is Bill, so I make the coffee, shake off the sluggishness that I have, and use the computer. I'm actually amazed and a bit envious of your early bird-ness (?!) because you are an hour earlier than we are, so I'm dragging behind.....But if you are not participating in Standard Time, well then maybe we're both looking at 9:42 am right now and I feel a little better.

Hey Blindbeard--- I think it's starting to snow flurry here. Crap, we're probably in for a looooonnnnnggg winter....

Have a stimulating Saturday with all its nuances and rewards.



Dear God! Probably would be more peaceful in a torture chamber down at Guantanamo Bay!!! You have surely landed yourself in hell for the "asshat" comments... :-)

Linda D. in Seattle

Denver Refashionista said...

Kids, I swear. That's why I work with them but don't have any of my own.

Tricia said...

Aren't kids the best - this is why I only borrow them occasionally and let their mother deal with the nasty stuff.

I'm cracking up at your back and forth with the boy - hilarious and I've had that conversation too.

Stop by my blog if you have a minute - for constantly making me laugh I have bestowed you with some lemonade! LOL

Jen said...

Happy Thanksgiving, Blindbeard (you darned curmudgeon, you!)