Sunday, October 5, 2008

Down Grade

*Update: The reptile show was middling at best, but snakes and spiders and frogs (oh my!) don't do a lot for me one way or the other. My little sister loves the idea of a tattoo of a snack cake or something sugary, she is only concerned that she may lick it if it looks too delicious. We called her Sugar Bowl growing up so I thought she should get a sugar bowl tattoo. While I am not in as much pain, I am still totally wiped out, more so than usual, and look forward to the weekend being over and having the house to myself again. Tired of people trying to share the couch with me.

The knife in my back has been down graded from a steak knife to a butter knife, which is great news for me! I'm starting to feel more alive than dead and am thinking about getting back to life. I still am coughing like I have the black lung, but it is getting better -- it hasn't made me throw up again. Still short of breath so I huff and puff at the slightest thing; not exactly the huffing and puffing most people want more of in their lives. And still tired and lazy, but not as much. I may get dressed and leave the couch today. Maybe. This house needs some TLC and as much as my roomies have been wonderful, they just can't seem to see the huge laundry pile, only grabbing what they need for the day and washing that; or the dust that is dimming the tv screen, they keep watching through the dust; or the dishes stacked to the ceiling, only loading the dishwasher when we are out of everything and there is no alternative. But as I am working on having a better attitude in my daily life, I have only thanked them for what they have done and not pointed out the things not done. Here is a quick rundown of all the thrilling things that have been going on with me:

My little sister wants to go to a reptile show today. She has a passion for frogs and chameleons that surpasses her love of snack cakes, and that is saying something. She has a frog tattoo but not a Hostess tattoo. I don't want to give her any ideas because she would probably get some donuts or cupcakes tattooed on her. I don't have much of a sweet tooth except for "When Steroids Attack" and I eat my way through the entire kitchen looking for sweets.

I had to put off my Tysabri until next Friday because of the black lung so I will probably be a mess by then. Even a week past my usual schedule and I start to feel the burn. My MS symptoms kick up and kick my round behind. I start getting achy legs again, my vision worsens (who knew that was possible?!), I get that odd sensation in my legs and right arm where hot is cold and cold it hot -- a strange and disconcerting (to say the very least) feeling, I stumble and lose my balance more, my leg drags more than usual, the overwhelming fatigue that makes the couch my BFF, you know, all the fabulous things that MS does to a body. But as I wasn't sure that I wanted to go into that good night just yet, I felt I should probably put it off. And my doctors concurred and made the decision for me so even if I had wanted to go forward with Tysabri I couldn't have.

I don't want to add to any one's burden of sorrow right now, but I have to mention this. My favorite jeans died just before I got sick. I will wear my jeans ripped to shreds and actually enjoy old worn out jeans, but these went to a place that was beyond saving: the ass ripped out. I will gladly wear jeans with tears and holes everywhere but there. As I am not really into patches and sewing them was out of the question, I had to give them a proper burial in the garbage can. The horror of losing your favorite jeans is something everyone can relate to. I can't find a decent pair to take their place and it may be some time before I find a new favorite pair. R.I.P. jeans. You served me well and I look forward to wearing you in the afterlife.

I've been skulking around your blogs and it seems everyone is a little depressed right now. Is it the change in weather? A rough patch in the already-rough-road of MS? A plague of sadness sweeping the nation? I'm sorry everyone is feeling so down and I hope it doesn't attack me. The only good thing about being depressed is how good it feels to start feeling better.

Okay, I am being dragged to a reptile show so I hope everyone starts feeling better and if nothing else think of a good snack cake tattoo for my little sister. Love ya! BB


Jen said...

I developed a sweet tooth from taking my antidepressant, Lexapro. And I'm pretty sure it's from that because I went off it for about 10 months and the cravings went away. Recently back on it, I am getting nutty for sweets again. And having VERY vivid dreams once more. Strange.

Sorry about the jeans. They're not easy to come by.

Heather said...

Have a great time at the reptile show. I'm sure I'll be doing fun things like that once my baby boy is older.

I'm thinking you're right about all the depression and the change in weather. It's tough when it's cold, dark and rainy.

Lisa Emrich said...

Glad to hear that you are beginning to feel better. A butter knife is preferable to a steak knife. Have fun with the reptiles...


Mkay...glad to hear your LUNG CANCER is in remission. Although not my favorite pair of jeans, my favorite flannel sleeping pants went crotch up this week...what's the point of wearing lounge wear to bed if the crotch is missing, I ask you?!?
And as far as the sis's tat? How about HoHo's...that way if she ever changes professions to sex for hire, the tattoo will fit right in! Just a thought...

Linda D. in SEattle

Taxingwoman said...

Those mini cupcakes with the heart sprinkles are cute .

Yeah ,a lung infection sure does suck. Glad you're feeling better