Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Dissatisfied, Disgruntled, Discombobulated, Distemper, Disenfranchised, Dismembered...

Do you hear that? That "thump drag thump drag" sound? That's the sound of me pacing the floor with an MS leg. I don't know what the word is for how I am feeling, but I do know that it starts with a dis- and them something. My word recall is not always so hot and I have no idea where my thesaurus is, or if I even have one anymore. I look at my lot in life and realize that its not a lot but it is my life. Somewhere along the lines everything got messed up. I never planned to be a bottom feeder who cooks and cleans for a gaggle of ingrates. I love Princess to death and would lay my life down for me with a smile on my face if that is what it took, but sometimes I feel like there has to be more to life than spending all my time with a 10 year old, watching PG13 or lower rated movies. I hate to admit this, but sometimes I am jealous of those who can still work. I know my little sister goes off to work and sees me getting ready to nap and is jealous that I can stay home, but she doesn't realize how much I do before she pulls her lazy arse out of bed around noon. I got up around 4:30 this morning and am going to shower and clean after writing this. I got Princess up and off to school with teeth and hair brushed -- so she looks loved-- and pit juice on so she doesn't knock everyone dead when she raises her hand to answer a question. My ambivalence about society makes me one day need to get out of the house and the next not feel like hob-nobbing with the natives. I do different "charitable" things that I am not willing to talk about, but they are no where near what I want to do, what I would do if I could afford the gas -- FLIPPIN' SSA! And my MS dictates all too often what I am able to do day by day, making my volunteering more difficult due to being unable to give set days that I can do anything. And sadly, I have more days where I can't do anything for anybody but try to cook and clean for said herd of ingrates. How did I fall in with this group? Is it true that birds of a feather flock together? Am I a lazy ingrate who can't see a full trash can or an empty toilet paper roll? I think being a bottom feeder limited my options.

Ever have those days where you are feeling overwhelmed by dissatisfaction? I go to bed and sleep even though I feel like I did nothing all day and don't really need the rest but my night meds say otherwise. I get up and survey the house and make a plan to get it back in order so the posse of wild slobs can mess it up again, giving me something to do tomorrow. I'm dissatisfied with the way my marriage ended, disenchanted with men in general and my ability to pick out a good one. I don't think its possible for me to have distemper, but feel like foaming at the mouth and running down the street barking at everything just to have something break up the monotony of my life, even though I know that's not what distemper is. I'm pretty sure I'm not dismembered but with the itchiness of certain parts of my body it is tempting to think about cutting them off. I don't know the word I'm looking for. I just know I gots the ho-hums and could really use a change of pace, something new and different to happen, something out of the ordinary, and I don't mean a luxury vacation, just something of interest to happen. Whether it be getting all the laundry done and being able to see the basement floor (only a pack of wild hogs would think throwing damp laundry on the floor of a basement that gets water in it when it rains is a good idea) or something unexpected to happen while oot and aboot, I'm not picky. But if I don't get out of this rut I may have to do something myself to break up the monotony, and that may not be a pretty thing.

7 comments:

Jen said...

Hey Blindbeard--

I've got something to lift your spirits: a new word for "poop." Here it is.......


SHADOOBIE

Learned it from Chelsea Handler on her comedy show on the E Channel. Late night, because I'm sort of a vampire.

Go ahead and try it out with your household ingrates. I like to place a "sha-ZAM" in front of it for emphasis.

This is very serious business...

EJ said...

My middle name is Malcontent.

It was bad enough before the MS - I channeled it into "changing the world" through political activism, etc etc.

Since the MS, I turn it on the people I live with and myself - I don't have the energy for much more.

Luckily, the worst feelings of restless discontent seem to come in waves. I draw up grand reorganization plans and go take a nap, knowing they'll ebb soon enough.

Also, speaking of shadoobie, watching the farting preacher on youtube makes me laugh hard enough to forgot to be angry for days at a time.

Shauna said...

Farting Preacher? Must look for that one....

Hmmm...dis-jointed perhpas? Discouraged? Disheartened? Disillusioned? Disinfected? No wait, that last one is what you do for the ingrates.....

S.

BRAINCHEESE said...

Sounds like you've just been "dissed" ...period...

But "dis" is way better than "dys", seriously. And really? When have you ever suffered from being *gruntled* without the "dis" in front of it?!?

Linda D. in Seattle

*sparkle* said...

you've lifted MY spirits! ;D

....really!

sorry you're dissed or datted! ...but thanks for sharing it ;)

Denver Refashionista said...

I am so there with you. My pack of ingrats includes the children I attempt to edumacate. Mornings are the worst. I feel like crap and I am anxious and overwhelmed by everything. Then I am rewarded by a pack of disrespectful kids goofing off, yelling and throwing paper in my classes. I am certainly distempered... Of course free time can be an even greater draught of poison. I hope we both find a welcome diversion soon.

Reebs said...

I found your blog while I was googling about MS. I have had it for 6 years, and would like to meet the MS community on line. My name is Reebs,can you help me set up a blog?