Trying to change something about yourself is a lot harder than I was led to believe. I have been working on having a better attitude but karma is testing me. Yesterday I ran some errands with my little sister. We went into a store that didn't have shopping carts and I can't walk very far without some kind of support, be it a cart, cane, walking stick or some one's arm. I was using my little sister's arm for support when a woman (she doesn't deserve to be called a lady) who was walking by, stopped and said, "Are you all gays?" At first I tried to be polite and just said that I have MS, but the blank look on her face irritated me so much I snapped, "I'm a cripple, you f*ckin ass hat!" My little sister was mortified and thought I could have handled it better. I think she got what she deserved. After I said that she ran off in shocked horror, whether it was because she encountered gays, or because I retorted so rudely, I do not know and I do not care. We have all seen people from every walk of life and every sexual orientation, but to stop and ask! Are you kidding me?! I don't regret my response, but my little sister says I have a tendency to kill the messenger, and she may be right. I hope that woman learned a good lesson yesterday. I hope if something like that happens to me again I will have the clarity of mind to say something a little less profane. Maybe something along the lines of "are you all a stupid tw*t?" Not sure what I could have said to not embarrass my little sister, but it seems that try as hard as I can, I am forever embarrassing her. When I was sick and she took me to the doctor, she was embarrassed that my socks didn't match -- she thought I would at least wear matching socks for the doctor. When we went to the DMV to switch her plates and the lady behind the counter was so rude that when we were leaving I told her thanks for being such a bitch about it, my little sister was horrified and ran out the door. I could go on, but why bore you, dear diary? I thought changing my attitude would be easier than this. Maybe I need to work on my outspokenness when irritated. I do have a tendency to kill the messenger. But when they are so rude about giving the message, can't I respond in kind? I have my work cut out for me.
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