Diary Entry

Dear Diary,
Today I am putting the "new me" plan into action. I decided I wanted some things to be different so I am starting with the (wo)man in the mirror -- I used that reference because I know you, dearest diary, are a secret Michael Jackson fan. But don't worry, I won't tell a soul. I am going to be pleasant if it kills me today! I am going to meet others' eyes and smile when making eye contact. Do I have to wear makeup to do this? Is it enough to be pleasant without being attractive? Doesn't what's inside count more, or is that really only what ugly people say? *Sigh* I don't think we will ever know, diary, because we are part of the beautiful people. Oh, this burden of being one of the beautiful ones. But everyone knows MSers are the most stunning creatures on this planet.

Diary, why didn't I buy you at Target or Walmart instead of Hot Topic? Your goth-emo cover is, well, scary and disturbing. I pulled you out from under my bed last night to write to you but I had forgotten how scary you are; you scared me so bad I crapped my bed. After I changed my sheets I was too tired to write to you. We may need to think of revamping your cover.

I have to tell you the truth, diary, I'm a little scared of letting down my defenses, but don't tell anyone. It is so much easier to skulk through life than to risk letting someone get close to me again. I was mentally going through my list of exes and I realized that they are a bunch of ass hats. My little sister, who has her fair share of ass hats in her past, thinks I need to try something new when it comes to men. I'm going to ponder that, but I don't know if I really want a man in my life right now. I am so ambivalent about it. Titter and sweat under covers together, yes. Tell my life story to, no. "Gee, when I got thrown into the loony bin..." is not exactly a great pick up line. But on the other hand, I don't care what others think -- ambivalence at its best.

Okay, diary, I have troubled you long enough. I am off to terrorize the denizens of this city. I am going to put my new attitude to work today. And maybe get you a new cover!