If I Said...

That an ex's wife is unattractive, would that sound like sour grapes? Even though we parted on good terms and I'm not convinced that was the wrong choice, can I still say that she is a little flaky and... silly, without sounding jealous? Because I'm not jealous and I know that those grapes aren't exactly to my taste, but it still sounds bad to me to point out these things about his wife.

I ran into an ex recently and we happened to be in a place where we could talk for awhile without getting in any one's way, sadly. I'm not hip on the long, "Sooooo, how have you been?" conversations because how do you sum up X amount of years and having MS and the havoc it wreaked upon my life without out feeling like the violins should be playing in the background? His wife was friendly enough, but she acted and said a few things that were, well, flaky and silly, and he and I met eyes when she did these things, like we were in agreement that what she had just said/done was a little flaky and silly. Apparently there is something there, because he did marry her, and even though I didn't think she was attractive, he must. That is a very unkind thing for me to say because nobody is nominating me for Miss Universe, and I'm sure there are plenty of people who thought the same thing when I got married. I was a skinny stick with such short hair that people always asked me if I were a lesbian. On second thought, maybe they thought my ex was getting lucky and I would bring a girlfriend into the mix... Who knows?

I also couldn't help wondering how things would have been if he and I had gotten married. How would he have handled my MS? Makes me think of that Sheryl Crow song, "Are You Strong Enough To Be My Man?" And, sadly, I'm not sure he could have dealt with it as well as my ex did. Could he have handled the spotlight being taken off of him and shined on a wife with a disease? Everyone asking how his wife is instead of fawning over him? He always had a way of making me feel like second best. Second best to his ex, that one girl he dated etc. He always gave left handed compliments -- and I'm left handed, so no offense to any lefties out there. "Yeah, I love you, but it makes me think of this one time with this one girl who I really loved... blah blah blah." It always made me feel like I would never measure up. So obviously she did measure up. I wonder if she has to always hear about some ex, if I am ever that ex that she is second best to. Does she get tired of always having everything traced back to some other situation with some other girl that leaves you feeling like you will never be on the same level as she is?

Maybe that is why he chose someone flaky and silly. She will always be willing to give up the spotlight to him and may not mind hearing about all those superior women who came before her. Or maybe I am too busy being flaky and silly and feasting on sour grapes to see the truth here. I don't regret he and I parting ways, but I am surprised at what was better than me.