Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Boooooring

I'm bored with my life right now. Nothing interesting ever happens to me. The most exciting thing in my life is my little sister's and my usual banter and fighting. Princess says that we are the only ones who find our humor humorous, but we are funny -- to ourselves at least. We have had 30 years together to perfect our hilarious jokes and we amuse ourselves too much on a regular basis. Like grocery shopping the other day. We saw a bunch of rutabagas that inspired us to sing, "my rutabaga and your rutabaga were sitting by the fire. My rutabaga said to your rutabaga, 'I'm gonna set your roots on fire!' Talk about hey now (hey now)..." It was funny to us, but whether the other shoppers thought so, I'm not sure and I don't care. It was almost the highlight of my day. Checking out, something rang up wrong and I had to ask a maybe 20 year old kid to adjust the price for me (self checkout). He came over and his cologne smelled so good I almost dropped to my knees and started humping his leg right there. I drove home in a daze. The next time I had to go to Walmart I saw him again and decided to steer clear of his checkout lane so I wouldn't have to beg him to let me come home with him so I could dry hump his leg all day. When I got closer I saw that he had hickeys all up and down his neck. I can only assume his cologne had the same effect on someone else and was glad that it wasn't me who sucked the life out of his neck. Damn whippersnappers should not be allowed to wear cologne like that! It only teases us old ladies and gives the whippersnappers an unfair advantage over us. I am no aspiring cougar and would like to keep it that way.

I have an MRI looming here in 2 weeks and then I have to see my neurologist right after that. I am so sick and tired and bored with all these doctors and MRIs and shrinks (oh my!) I want to run screaming from them. I want to take a sledgehammer to the MRI machine so that they can't stuff me into it ever again. I don't want to see my neurologist to talk about what has not changed and what my MRI may show. I DON'T CARE! I don't want to talk about what I need to do that I am not doing and have no intentions of ever doing, ie strength training. I don't wanna go work out and I certainly do not want to engage in any strength training exercises. I have decided that when that subject some up again, as it definitely will, I am going to be honest and tell her "no, thank you." They know what a stubborn ass I am, so they try to lure my family to the dark side by telling them what I need to be doing, which makes me get all the b.s. from every side. My little sister turned traitor and got a membership to the YMCA and is trying to make me do so too. Hmmm, let me see... nope, still not interested. But thanks for asking. Now move along, little loggie. I try to stay active to keep my muscles from atrophying, but lifting weights in a sweaty room with a bunch of gym rats? I can't do it, I shan't do it, I won't do it.

Ugh, so bored! Wake me when the boring is over...

9 comments:

BRAINCHEESE said...

Oddly, and I don't know if I should be clinically frightened, but I DO also very much enjoy and "get" your twisted humor. Sometimes, I worry/fear/regret that perhaps my mother had twins and we were separated at birth...because I "get" your humor.

Which, BTW..."humor" and it's complexity is just an example of a highly evolved brain. So, tell the store clerks who don't like your witty song and dance routines to stick THAT in their lil' "ignert" pipe and smoke it (I NEVER said humor was a MATURE sign of a higher functioning brain!).

Linda D. in Seattle

Jen said...

I'm a little embarrassed of my own burgeoning attraction to "silver foxes": Vincent Donofrio, Richard Gere (better than ever), Sean Connery, John Hurt, Tom Selleck (ahhh...need some restraint ....)

I can't think of any whippersnappers at the moment. Definitely NOT any of the Jonas Brothers. Are any of them even legal yet?

LISA EMRICH said...

Now, I would think some cougaring would certainly be less than booorringg. But, then again, I'm starting to actually ENJOY the twice weekly PT/strength training sessions.

Also probably helps that I truly am the least visibly hampered, unless of course you want to test my balance and ability to step OVER the board without tripping. :)

Jen said...

OMG--- WILLIAM HURT. Not John Hurt. I just got hives looking at the latter's photos on Google..LMAO!!

Denver Refashionista said...

LOL on the cologne story. I have been there. I can even imagine the whole thing, the smell and the guy. I have a very vivid imagination when it comes to such things.

MS. ME said...

Hey Blindbeard, would you be interested in knowing how you can make your canned veggies make you stronger?? And, if I could make it where almost throwing them at other family members is actually good for your both your physical and mental health??!?!

Cathy said...

I can relate ot the boredom. It has been freaking cold here I don't want to leave the house but TV sucks.

Beth said...

We haven't seen each other since we were what 17 or 18, lets get together sometime and talk about the old days. I'll try to break your boredom :)

pUNKrOCKfairy said...

It's not just whippersnappers that'll pull that trick on you! But it is always some MALE who is for whatever reason, wildly inappropriate for one to drool over who comes along smelling like sex-on-a-stick. Usually, right when it's most inappropriate for your body to have that kind of response. Like, middle of the workday, at your kids' school, at your husband's birthday party...