Saturday, February 28, 2009

Dear Blindbeard

Ready for another round of my Dear Blindbeard column? I sure am! Please send me anything you would like for me to answer/talk about etc. because I would hate to run out of material.

Dear Blindbeard,

my wife turned me onto your blog because I have MS and I am about to "gird my loins" and go into battle with the semi-simians myself. The root of the term legal is the Latin word legare, which means choose. The body of law is merely a pile of choices we have made in order to live with each other. No judge's word is ever to be considered as final. Its merely his latest opinion. Take that fact to heart and know that no law is ever carved in the stone that seems to occupy the place in the chest where a heart should be. You just have to appeal to their sense of the ridiculousness of the situation. I mean its like the old joke about a soviet heart clinic at the top of a long, steep set of stairs. If you could make it up the stairs to see the doctor, you obviously didn't need his services. If the judge had to decide on the fate of a quadriplegic, would the judge find against the quadriplegic because that person couldn't appear before him in his courtroom, because the court can't accommodate the bed into the court. In my own case, I should have a great deal of, uh, fun because if he tells me to go out and get a job, I'll thank him very much for his offer and tell him that I'll be reporting for work in his chambers in the morning. I've had two years of looking and wherever I've had an interview, I lasted until I shuffled in on my cane and then the prospective employer's mind closed as thoroughly as the judge's. In this economy, you have to be able to dance to the employer's tune, regardless of how much dancing the job itself requires. Part if the problem is that America hates its own citizens. America has a system of health-don't-care, set up for the sake of political expediency by Richard M. Nixon, a clinical paranoiac, and Humana Insurance as a very profitable Ponzi scheme, and as such is the last remaining industrialized country not to have universal health care. (Notice I wrote industrialized, not civilized.) Now that profits are drying up, now that the pool of insured is shrinking as companies downsize and the millions of people moved off of the books, and now that that the insurance companies' draconian methods of denying benefits are getting harder to justify, the need of the citizens of this country for some kind of universal health care is becoming undeniable.

Charles-A. Rovira

Dear Beautiful Charles,

Wow! Where do I begin? There are several things I'd like to say about your letter:

First: My name is not Jen, or Jennifer, or Jenny Craig/Jones. I actually have the same name as a certain hurricane that devastated New Orleans and other parts (I had it first!). My mom volunteered with the Red Cross after that hurricane ripped through there, because she in an RN, to give medical care to people who could not get it in those conditions. She didn't want to tell anyone that she had a daughter with the same name because there was a lot of (justified) animosity towards that name, even though I am not a destructive force of nature.

Second: What a great job you did of summing up the whole legal system! I am awed and give my most heartfelt respect to someone so informed and with such a fabulous way with words to nail the whole situation, and I hope anyone else fighting "the man" will read this. Good luck with that endeavor!

Third: I just read an article that made me think of this letter and really got my hackles up. It was talking about fatigue and MS and they said that when Provigil became so popular, the company raised the price of Provigil to 3 times what the price originally was. I am glad that I don't take Provigil because that is so wrong on so many levels I can't even talk about it without dissolving into a mass of obscenities.

Thanks for the great letter and I hope a lot of people read this. It is an eye opening letter and should be required reading for anyone who is preparing to "gird their loins and go into battle."

Love, Blindbeard

Dear Blindbeard,

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Colon xR

Dear Beautiful (?) Colon xR,

So far my colon seems to be pretty happy because I don't have any problems with it, but thanks for the kind offer. Maybe you should try someone who does have the problems you mentioned in your letter. Try hanging out in the fiber/hemorrhoid medicine aisles in Walmart or a drug store and see if you can't find some people with unhappy, unhealthy, unclean colons (isn't it the nature of a colon to be unclean?). Happy phishing!

Love, Blindbeard



Dear Jen,

(Oh, come on! You knew I'd have to do that... :-)

You are the best anti-emetic I have found today...and I've taken several "pill" form drugs for nausea throughout the day, too.

Jen said...

I dig the real name. Would never have guessed in a million years. Must be nice to not really have THE most OVERUSED name from 1965 (?) to 1975.

Yeah, I'm disgruntled..

Denver Refashionista said...