Friday, June 20, 2008

Status Report

Gimp's Log. Stardate, who knows? After attending a recent court hearing to determine whether or not I am able to work, I have been able to established that there are no intelligent life forms working for the Social Security Administration. Upon submitting my current status as a certified gimp and showing evidence that I am a deeply depressed/anxiety ridden/disturbed gimp, they still felt that I would be able to be a "bagger," of which I could not help but snigger at. These strange life forms felt that even though my right side is seriously impaired, I can't stand for very long, can't walk very far without support, cannot lift much weight if both hands are needed, and my vision is foggy and dim, I would still be able to bag their groceries. When shown that I would be unable to work even a month straight without calling in, they had to concede that maybe I would not be able to bag groceries. Due to the teleconferencing nature of this hearing, where both the judge and I were on TV screens, and with my short attention span, my focus wandered and I was more interested in the roundness of my face on TV. (Note to self: do not pursue a career in television.) Luckily for me the chairs were of an extremely hard and uncomfortable nature, which added to my leg cramps, overall stiffness and caused me to liss to the right side even more. If the chairs had been of the La-Z-Boy nature I would have been comfortable and looked better than I am. Adding up all the evidence I have been able to conclude that 60 to 90 days is a long time to wait to see what these... creatures final decision will be. As my observations showed limited practicality on their part, I can only hope for the best and not start looking for a job as a bagger -- especially as I am sure no employer wants a bundle of liability trying to bag groceries for their customers. This concludes my status report and unless proven otherwise I must stand by my original conclusion that the Social Security Administration only employes those that are shortsighted and always looking for a way to deny deny and hope they die.

2 comments:

BRAINCHEESE said...

Are you absolutely sure they didn't say "bag lady" versus "bagger"??? I imagine that's what they hope you finally succumb to anyway...livin' la vida loco on the streets and homeless.

Linda D. in Seattle

Anne Marie Apollo-Noel said...

Instead of bagger, have you ever considered writer? Your blog is great and (although I read that you take a somewhat dim view of MS magazines) I would love to have to write a piece for us sometime. No worries about what the government folks would say - our contributors are volunteers. If you're ever interested, drop me a line, annemarie at msfocus dot org.