When I Grow Up I Want To Be A Bad Example

I hate fluffy feel good crap. I get all the MS magazines -- and I do mean all -- but I can't always read them. I get so irritated by all the happy-go-lucky stories of those whose have MS yet still went on to conquer Mount Everest while carrying the ones that could not make it on their backs and singing Kumbaya. I even think negative thoughts about some of the people whose stories are supposed to inspire me. How can I empathize with someone who is talking about their vision problems while they have eyebrows so overgrown it covers 75% of their vision field? I can't. Trim those woolly caterpillars that climbed onto your face and died there, then get back to me. I actually prefer the more technical magazines, like MSQR, because they just give information while keeping the sap factor to a minimum. Now that is inspiring! I want to know the how and whys about this disease without all the yucky feel good junk. I also hate memoirs. Don't get me wrong, there are some truly great stories out there, but if your story is, "I got MS and my life changed" I am not interested. Have we not all been there? Unless you have a truly outstanding story I do not care. It irritates me too when I hear these stories and the people have a much milder disease course than me. I want to hear about people who have an aggressive disease and how they deal with it, not from those who only have an attack every other year. I can't relate to that; I have been on a downward spiral from day one. I have never recovered totally from any attack and even now it keeps chipping away at me; so if your disease only rears it's revolting head once every 2 years and you still recover almost 100% after them, I don't care. I just cannot relate to you. My goal is not to put a happy, insipid, I-shall-overcome spin on this disease. My goal is to be the crazy gimp lady that scares kids -- you know, the one the kids don't want to take candy from on Halloween because it has to be tainted coming from me. I am not going to wait until I am an old lady to wear purple, I never wear purple because I am not fond of it and I look like an Easter egg in it. I am going to be eccentric and do as I please every step of the way, and I know I offend some MSers out there who want to be dignified and not have a sense of humor about all this. But, once again, go cry in your petticoat, because I don't care. I want to hobble around town with a stupid wig on backwards if I feel like it; use the motorized carts when shopping and run into displays (those damn controls are so touchy, and it takes off too fast); embrace my inner hideousness and make people think this is my costume for Halloween. I aspire to being the crazy cat lady as I age, to horrify kids who think I'm contagious, give stupid answers to those silly enough to ask what I did to my leg, drink my water from a brown paper bag all the while rocking and cackling to myself, I don't want to fit into any mold or inspire anyone. And I think I have a good start towards my goal.