Yesterday the 2 people whose opinions mean the most to me -- they being the ones who don't pay lip service and say what they think without editing it to save feelings -- told me that I am letting my MS rule my life. They both felt that I have lost myself to this disease and am not myself anymore. Hearing this from the 2 sources I trust the most hit me like a train. I realized that I need to start working on ME again. It is true, I have lost myself, but couldn't everyone with a chronic disease say the same at one point or another? I am now starting a campaign to get myself back and put MS in the back seat where it belongs and not let it define who I am. So to show that I am fighter willing to become more than just a heap of rotten MS, I am going to list the attributes that I am going to make more important than what I cannot do. Sad thing is I have come a long way, but I realize that I still have a long way to go. But enough of this maudlin crap, here are the things that are going to be more important that having MS:
I amuse myself. I know no man is an island, but I am a peninsula. I am content being alone, never bore myself, and enjoy my own company. I hate cell phones because I hate people being able to get ahold of me where ever I am. I like my alone time and need my alone time to clear my head and keep me sane. This may not sound too earth shattering, but so many people need someone around all the time; I am not that clingy beeotch. I am okay alone, without a man, just my family and friends and I am happy.
I may not be able to walk the MS walks, but I have a toilet bowl that is spring time fresh. I am a meticulous housekeeper and very organized -- I liken myself to a Stepford wife. My clothes are always right side out and hung facing the same direction. I hate how clean I am sometimes, makes me feel like an old person with plastic on their furniture that makes you afraid to sit anywhere. I hope I never become that rigid, but I do enjoy a clean house. I feel like things are in order when my house is in order.
I don't mean to brag but I am a good cook. I almost never use recipes, just consult my own ideas of what would taste the best, and my family is usually pleased with the results. Of course, they are not too picky, so maybe I shouldn't toot the cooking horn too much.
I have several books that I have written for my nieces and nephews and I need to get off my lazy arse and look into publication. They enjoy the books and we read them all the time. Why I have not sent in the manuscripts all boils down to rejection -- can I handle it? Rejection hurts, but never trying may be worse.
Lastly, I am not shy, will talk to anyone or anything, sometimes to the embarrassment of my little sister. I can go to MS events alone and talk and have a good time and not worry about having no one with me. So if you get chatted up by a gimpy woman with too blonde of hair (I lost track of the time and it came out lighter than I wanted) it may be me. One sure fire way to tell is if I can make elaborate tunes from a nose whistle -- one of my more embarrassing talents.
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