Sunday, March 30, 2008

When I Grow Up I Want To Be A Bad Example

I hate fluffy feel good crap. I get all the MS magazines -- and I do mean all -- but I can't always read them. I get so irritated by all the happy-go-lucky stories of those whose have MS yet still went on to conquer Mount Everest while carrying the ones that could not make it on their backs and singing Kumbaya. I even think negative thoughts about some of the people whose stories are supposed to inspire me. How can I empathize with someone who is talking about their vision problems while they have eyebrows so overgrown it covers 75% of their vision field? I can't. Trim those woolly caterpillars that climbed onto your face and died there, then get back to me. I actually prefer the more technical magazines, like MSQR, because they just give information while keeping the sap factor to a minimum. Now that is inspiring! I want to know the how and whys about this disease without all the yucky feel good junk. I also hate memoirs. Don't get me wrong, there are some truly great stories out there, but if your story is, "I got MS and my life changed" I am not interested. Have we not all been there? Unless you have a truly outstanding story I do not care. It irritates me too when I hear these stories and the people have a much milder disease course than me. I want to hear about people who have an aggressive disease and how they deal with it, not from those who only have an attack every other year. I can't relate to that; I have been on a downward spiral from day one. I have never recovered totally from any attack and even now it keeps chipping away at me; so if your disease only rears it's revolting head once every 2 years and you still recover almost 100% after them, I don't care. I just cannot relate to you. My goal is not to put a happy, insipid, I-shall-overcome spin on this disease. My goal is to be the crazy gimp lady that scares kids -- you know, the one the kids don't want to take candy from on Halloween because it has to be tainted coming from me. I am not going to wait until I am an old lady to wear purple, I never wear purple because I am not fond of it and I look like an Easter egg in it. I am going to be eccentric and do as I please every step of the way, and I know I offend some MSers out there who want to be dignified and not have a sense of humor about all this. But, once again, go cry in your petticoat, because I don't care. I want to hobble around town with a stupid wig on backwards if I feel like it; use the motorized carts when shopping and run into displays (those damn controls are so touchy, and it takes off too fast); embrace my inner hideousness and make people think this is my costume for Halloween. I aspire to being the crazy cat lady as I age, to horrify kids who think I'm contagious, give stupid answers to those silly enough to ask what I did to my leg, drink my water from a brown paper bag all the while rocking and cackling to myself, I don't want to fit into any mold or inspire anyone. And I think I have a good start towards my goal.

4 comments:

LISA EMRICH said...

Uh-oh...better be careful, your humor is inspiring...

BRAINCHEESE said...

YOU most certainly do! Have I mentioned I LOVE you? In that "two old ladies sitting on the back porch spittin' "cha" off the deck and reminiscing about the good old days" love? Yeah, that would be it...LOL

Linda D. in Seattle

harkoo said...

Blindbeard, I am your worst fear! lol I have had a light case of ms for 20 years; the sudden merging of bad events from my past were so traumatic I ended up in a w/c whereupon my husband left me for my closet friend--I didn't know about the affair till years later when I read of their love affair in her book of poetry I got on Amazon.com! I live with 8 cats and my divorced sister. Can you imagine that for a fate? And she is a hoarder taking over drawers holding all the soy sauce packets she has ever gotten from Chinese take-out restaurants. We go to day long seminars on crop circles. And have a psychic group that meets here. Her cat gets weekly acupuncture treatments. I spent $350 for a cat condominium that is 3 stories high and has lots of bells for the cats to play with. My sister got a dvd of birds sitting on perches singing and talking for Saturday night entertainment for our cats. I spend alot of time in my room to get away from her! This is not how I imagined life would turn out! Oh, and I had the idea to paint the front door of our house purple for hope and a new beginning! oh dear--are you still there? And we are looking for purple pillows for our new loveseat....do you want to kill yourself yet? lol I am just letting it flow now and try to enjoy whatever comes up next--cause it has been quite a long ride as my mom also had MS. Keep using your sense of humor--that will help you get on with this MS stuff. You made me laugh tonight! Joyce in Maine

Merelyme said...

right on sistah!

i agree. seems like when you get MS then the positive attitude pushers are right there to push a sugar pill down your throat. this is a sensitive topic for me...have written much about it before. i think the positive thinking camp becomes dangerous when it causes folk to feel guilty that if they aren't positive then their health will suffer. this kind of thinking is rampant in support for people who have cancer for example as in...just visualize the bad cells away.

sorry for going on...i have just thought about this for a very long time.

again...love your writing...love your style and wit. i will definitely be back to read more of you.