Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Who Knew?

Who knew that the reason I trip and fall over everything may be due to foot drop instead of my terminal clumsiness? Yesterday I was talking to a lady in my exercise group who has foot drop and her problems mirrored mine exactly: catching a toe on nothing and falling; being unable to lift my foot enough to avoid that speck of dust, etc etc. I don't know why I never added all those things up and thought that maybe I too have foot drop instead of being a clumsy ass. Yesterday, after my exercise class, I grabbed some groceries and bringing in the milk I stubbed my big toe on my right foot and fell up the porch steps. This is the second time I fell while carrying the milk and I am now boycotting me bringing in the milk. The good news is that both times the milk was unscathed, but I was not. I bruised several spots on my right side, my ankle, knee, fat hip and arm just above the elbow. Later I tripped over the hose and fell again, but this time it was on the grass and I only sustained grass stains on my clothes. I am not willing to wear a foot brace so I will have to start paying more attention. Too bad I have no short term memory, so I foresee many more falls in my future. I know, I'm like, psychic or something.

Who knew that fly bites are a major emergency? Jabber was out in the raspberry bushes with me the other day, "helping" me pick raspberries but in reality enjoying a captive audience to talk to death. A fly bit him and he smacked a hand on his leg, looked at me with eyes the size of dinner plates, said, "A fly just bit me!" and ran to the house with one hand over the spot where he was bit and hopping on the other leg. I tried to hold in my laughter until he was in the house, but started choking on my guffaws and had to let loose before he got inside. His response to the bite was like he had just been bit by a rattlesnake and I should drop everything and race him to the ER. We have been teasing him about it because it is too easy. He fails to see any humor at all in the whole situation and still acts like it was a major thing and he is lucky to still have that leg. He can't understand why nobody else sees it the same way.

Who knew that I would enjoy my exercise class so much? I certainly did not see this one coming. I even -- gulp -- decided that when this study is over I am going to get a membership and continue my classes. The shame! It burns!

Who knew that I was so hip and happening, and so... popular? I don't get it. Not one bit. The people in my exercise class flock to me, and make me feel like I am this young, hip, cool thing when I am most certainly not any of those things. They love my socks, the t shirts I wear (I have a whole collection of stupid shirts that I enjoy), they laugh at my jokes, and even those who are too shy to jump in the crowd smile at me every time they meet my eye. I need to be careful or I will get conceited from all this positive attention. When I was telling Sugarbowl about it, she said that people have always flocked to me. I have never thought that or noticed it, but I was flattered by her comment. I'm glad they like me so much, but I think I am starting to get a big head about it. I noticed that I am not as worried about the way I walk and feel more confident about myself in public now. Who'da thunk it?


Denver Refashionista said...

I bet people do flock to you. You are pretty, witty and hilarious. Enjoy all that positive attention. I'm afraid all this getting out and socializing may get in the way of your grouchiness. Please don't lose your sarcastic charm.

Kimberly said...

Your suprised people flock to you? Are you kidding? Folks flock to your blog because of your honest wit, sarcasm and sense of humor. (You sarcasm is simply divine. Don't EVER lose it). Talk to your Neurologist about your foot drop. Easy to manage with an AFO brace. (I wear one). I'm so glad your getting out and enjoying life.

Cranky said...

Blindbeard - I see the commenters that preceded me have already stated essentially what I planned to say. Your witty, original perspective comes through in your writing and I'm sure shines through in person as well. Of course people are drawn to you in person. Glad you're getting out and about!

Webster said...

Do get an AFO. It fits inside your tennis shoe, and looks better than bruises.

And, ditto to the above comments. I was just underscoring the AFO.