I have been relegated to that group, not only by my mom but by Princess too. I know that I am not a stunning beauty and I really don't care. I am at that age and time in my life when I am ready to hang up all pretensions to beautimusness and let the younger girls have all the honor -- with zero bitterness or jealousy on my part; I'm not that shallow. In fact, I encourage the whippersnappers to enjoy it while they can because time makes fools of us all. The skinny will gain weight, the most beautiful will age, it's just a fact, my pretty, so rock it while you can.
The other day Princess and I were talking about how my ex cannot believe that I am not fighting boys off with a big stick, which flatters me that he thinks I am so great boys would want to storm my house and demand dates. Princess told me, "It's not like you are the most beautiful thing in the world. If boys wanted to date you it would be because you have a good personality and are funny." Wow. Talk about taking the wind out of my sails. I felt like boys see me and think, "But she probably has a good personality." Like I am now that friend that when my friends try to set me up with someone, the best compliment they can give me is that I have a good personality. I never aspired to great beauty, but I had flattered myself that I hadn't gotten so low that I only have a "good personality" to offer someone. I guess now would be the time to reassess what I have to offer and move "looks" to the very bottom of the list. Princess hates when I tell this story -- and tell it I do; I'm not offended, more amused -- because she says she didn't mean it that way. Maybe I am interpreting it wrong, but I don't see too many other ways to interpret it.
A few years ago, when I was at my highest weight, I went to church with my mom and survived. My mom goes to a small church where everyone knows she has a "sick" daughter. (I absolutely, unequivocally HATE being called sick when I am not any such thing. Sick implies bed rest, fluids, "take two of these and call me in the morning," and eventually you get better -- not exactly MS.) At the end of the service we were shaking hands with the pastor and he told my mom that I was beautiful. She said, "If you think she is beautiful now you should have seen her a year ago!" I stood there, shaking his hand, big fake smile plastered to my face and felt like a fat ugly "sick" woman. As we walked away from him, I asked my mom, "I'm not beautiful now?!" She back pedaled as well as she could but the damage was done. I still like to tease her about it and she still tries to defend her words and explain them with new meanings that were not implied when she uttered that statement.
Ahh, yes, it is good to know where one stands. I no longer have to worry about my looks because I now only have my "good personality" to recommend me. The truth will set you free, I suppose. Now my biggest problem is my lack of a good personality. Thanks for giving me a complex, family!
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