Thursday, March 26, 2009

Search Terms

Trying to figure out my analytics -- and failing miserably, my uncomplex brain can't figure out complex things -- I stumbled across a list of search terms that landed people on my blog. Some of them were so funny, I sat out here at 5 am laughing by myself and irritating my roomies who were trying to sleep. (Silly, lazy, lie-a-beds who don't appreciate the beauty of getting up early.) Several of them are just too good to keep to myself:

How do I tell a guy his breath smells like cat sh*t?

How this one directed them to my blog, I do not know. I can only assume it was my blog about the little dog cleaning out the cat boxes and getting some putrid breath from it. I wasn't able to tell him about his bad breath, so I don't have any great advice to offer, except the following:

Her: Would you like some gum or a breath mint?

Him: No thanks. I'm good.

Her: No, really. Would you like some gum or a breath mint?

Him: Is that a hint?

Her: Yes. Either that or go brush your teeth and don't forget the mouthwash either!

I hope she (assuming it was a she) found the information she was looking for and I'm sorry I couldn't help.

Right side of face hurts.

How strange! Mine does too! I have only found relief by consuming large amounts of pills, not letting anything touch that side of my face, and using 2 pillows at night to hold up my head with a big space between where that side of my face would touch. Trigeminal Neuralgia SUCKS and anyone else who suffers from it has my undying sympathy. I wish I had some great advice to offer, but, alas, I don't.

Multiple Sclerosis quotes.

There are some? I had no idea. I would like to meet the person who has been so talented as to come up with a quaint variety of quotes to uplift the MSers spirit and make them want to cross stitch their words onto pillows. Or maybe not. I'm not really one to enjoy such things, they only irritate me.

I never get out of bed.

I do get out of bed, but I have a hard time leaving the couch until it is bed time again. Ritalin has really helped me get back to life and feel alive again, for which I will be eternally grateful to the gods of stimulants. I hope you find something that works for you because MS fatigue is a bitch and underrated by those in "authority" -- bastards!

Copaxone chap stick

I still have some if you really want it. It is only slightly used and comes from a non-pet free home. We don't smoke in the house, so it is smoke free. Why you are searching for Copaxone chap stick is a mystery to me. Is there something so great about it that I should dig it out of the cluttered hall closet and start smearing it all over my lips? Enquiring minds want to know, so please don't keep me in suspense any longer.


Honey, stop searching, you just found the right blog!

Cats sniffing breath.

Wha...?! Does that have anything to do with anything I have ever wrote? Why would a search engine direct that to me? I can't figure any of those questions out, but maybe it is my faulty memory.

How do I know I'm done with puberty?

Not sure I ever really hit it or left it. But good luck finding the right answer. (I know what made them find my site: my blog about Princess being hit with a big ugly puberty stick.)

Multiple Sclerosis I want to die.

Some days, don't we all? They only reason I keep breathing in and out is because of my family. My paternal grandfather committed suicide and it destroyed my family. Some days I want to bow out of this life, but I do not want to leave that terrible legacy behind for my sisters, mother, nieces and nephews. I attempted suicide 3 years ago and had to see the pain written all over my family's face, a memory that haunts and shames me to this day.


Julie M. Baker said...

OMG, these are hysterical, particularly the cat crap breath one! How do I see search terms that bring people to my blog? I can only imagine.


OMG! And to think a search for "cat crap breath" is how I FOUND your blog!!!! Kidding...maybe.

At least you don't have every Jesus freak, right-winged, be dipped or be damned, Bible banging person on the face of the planet coming to YOUR blog in search of "JESUS CAMP"...yeah...I said it in your comments...may you now receive some of MY traffic!

Diane J Standiford said...

LMAO hey, I have Jesus Camp in my Netflix que---can't wait to see what the fuss is about.