Sunday, June 14, 2009

Boogers, Bitches, And Blindbeard's Blues

In an uneventful life, it is rare for me to have so many things going on right now. It gives me a pleasant feeling of busyness and deadlines that I inexplicably miss. For once it is pouring and I am relishing it, especially as I know it won't last.

Boogers

Yesterday when I was drying off from my shower I noticed a gigantic booger on the towel. I didn't think it was mine as my nose was not runny and I didn't see any bats in the cave when I checked my nose to be sure. I figured I must not have noticed when I dried my face, even though a booger of that size should be felt when exiting one's nose. I shook the towel and it went off into space and was forgotten by me. Later in the day, when Sugarbowl, Princess and I were coming home from shopping, I told Sugarbowl she had a bat dangling out of the cave and it reminded me of my booger issue that morning, so I shared the story. She said she had the same problem that morning. She was drying off -- with a different towel -- and a huge booger got wiped on her. She figured it must have been her's even though she had not dried her face off yet. She picked it off her body, wiped it on a kleenex and threw it away. She was furious and asked why I hadn't properly disposed of it and why I thought just launching it into space was taking care of the problem. I told her because I didn't think it was mine. We agreed that it had to be her bf/f's and Princess asked how we knew for sure, even though our process of elimination was pretty clear to us. She argued that we couldn't know without a proper investigation. Sugarbowl retorted that next time she would ask if anyone lost something in the bathroom because she found it. I laughed so hard I thought I was going to hyperventilate. The fact that the booger became her problem, that she touched it, and the idea of her trying to return it to it's rightful owner had me laughing so hard and for so long she threatened to punch me in the boob and leave me on the side of the road. She's still mad at me.


Bitches Part 1

Sugarbowl and her bf/f have decided to part ways. At first it was amicable, but when she heard that I climbed up a ladder to clean out the gutters, which I had been nagging everyone to do, and he sat on the couch watching TV (she was at work), all amicability drained away and she is furious with him to the point he can't leave soon enough. She and I were outside smoking and he was in their room. She leaned right up to the open window of their room and loudly voiced her opinion that it was bull sh*t that an able bodied person let an unable bodied person climb a ladder while said able person watched TV. Every time she thinks of it she gets mad all over again and I get the warm fuzzies that my family is so protective of me.


Bitches Part 2

Set aside the date! We are taking our old landlord to court June 22 for not returning our deposit or an itemized list of the deductions he made. We filed a claim with small claims and had it delivered by the sheriff. It was the craziest thing, the next day his wife showed up claiming that they never got served the papers, but she was there to discuss the deposit. She tried to tell Sugarbowl (I was out of town) that the oven looked like it had never been self cleaned, even though I had cleaned it numerous times. I even wipe out all the ashes and detail it with a wet cloth every time I self clean any oven. Sugarbowl had the foresight to take pictures of every part of that house when we left to show how we left it, so she asked Mrs. Landlord if she would like to see the pictures of how we really left that oven because the Mrs. was claiming that it took her forever and a LOT of scrubbing on that oven. (Even if we had left the oven dirty, how would that be $850 worth of cleaning?) She showed her the pictures and Mrs. LL left. This happened about 11:30 am. At 8:30 that night, her husband showed up with a bunch of papers in his hands and in his definition of "good faith." She had tried to tell us they were on vacation and that was why we hadn't heard from them. Their house is right behind us, just across the road, and we can see their cars and watch them come and go from our living room window. He told us he had been working 12-14 hour days -- not much of a vacation -- had to cash in some cds and had been too busy to get back to us, is that a crime? Sugarbowl, with me on the phone with her to witness the conversation, told him that yes, it is in fact a crime. He lost his temper and told her that we were pigs, the whole town knew it (the whole town doesn't even know us and who would care anyway?) and we are just "low life renters." I don't care what he says about me, but I am offended that he would say that about renters when his income is from these low life's money. I have printed all the laws that he violated, a copy of the lease, which has some plainly stated violations of the law (I did not know they were violations until later), and we have been keeping track of all our dealings with these people. I can't wait to take this bastard to court and only regret that I can't tell him in court to go suck his wife's d*ck and I hope she fists his ass and reams him out so bad he can't sit for a month.


Blindbeard's Blues

In the same week we are taking our %^& of an ex landlord to court, I have several doctors appointments. I am going to a pain clinic (YEE HAW!) to see if there are better ways and better drugs to help me get my pain under control. (Pain has such a way of draining any fun out of life.) I also am starting the process of the balance study I agreed to do (BOOOO!). I have to do a bunch of tests to chart my balance and then get to start working out 2-3 times a week (sob). I have been avoiding a structured exercise program for so long I feel like I have crossed over to the dark side by agreeing to do this. But I know that I need to do it, so I sucked it up and bought exercise shoes -- damn it! But I am going to wear my bobby socks with monkey heads for pom poms because I'm such a rebel.
(You'll never take me alive -- or with any dignity left in me -- coppers!)

6 comments:

Living Day to Day with Multiple Sclerosis said...

Holy Cow! You have a lot going on in this one. First off the booger should be returned to the rightful owner. It is only fair and the owner might be missing it. You should wait til the owner puts out a reward for a missing booger.

On to the other things. That is so cruel about the landlords. What they said to the people in town and also what they are claiming. I hope you win that battle. I live in a small town too and I know how word travels very quickly if you even blink twice.

Hang in there and I hope you win that fight.

Denver Refashionista said...

I like the way you give 'em hell.

Lisa Emrich said...

Hey girl, I don't have any witty comments for ya this time. But I do hope that everything goes splendidly in the court. Go BB!!

timmAY said...

Hey there,

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I work with a company who's developing a treatment for Secondary Progressive MS. It's in Phase III trials, but looks promising. Injections only twice a year and it has been showed to delay progression of the disease. Thought your blog viewers might like to hear about it. If you're interested, I can send you some info on it. Thanks. My e-mail is: tpitta@schwartz-pr.com

Tim

Shauna said...

Love the alliteration....only thing missing is "boobs", though the landlord could be considered one.....

I had a dispute with a former landlord, went to the tenancy board, won, and they had to pay me....they called and asked if they could pay by monthly installments...I agreed until I heard what the wife had been saying about us to her co-workers. Then I demanded the rest of the payment immediately. Or we'd be going to a higher authority to look at libel and slander charges.

Kelli said...

I knew this was going to be a good one just by the title. I was laughing so hard about the booger it hurt. Then you moved on to bitches. Get those jerks.
Then your blues. Sounds like an interesting study. I have been doing PT for 3 wks, so I know why you dread getting into the exercise routine. Go girl, wear those bobby socks.