Wednesday, February 13, 2008

*Author's Note

I don't want to give the wrong impression--especially in light of my last post. So please allow me to clear some things up. First, I am not totally against myself, I just hate how this disease has manifested itself. I actually don't mind myself and spend much of my time alone and enjoy my own company--and no, that is not a euphemism for things that need batteries. Secondly, my marriage is suffering and my family was thinking way beyond me, about me dating again some day and I was revolting against that idea. It would take one heck of a person for me to even consider staying out till 9pm (my bedtime). I am still coming to terms with a disease that has not slowed down enough for me to get my breath and come to terms with it, and honestly, I am not sure I ever want to become complacent. Anger is a great motivator and spurs me on to challenge myself and do things I am "not supposed to do." And lastly, right after I was diagnosed and even to this day, I had a hard time finding information about MS that was not put with a positive spin. I wanted to know about the stuff no one wanted to talk about, depression, pain, disease progression (especially with those who also have a very aggressive disease), dealing with a world where everyone wants to be first and I would be thrilled with second, that kind of stuff. So my blog is about this stuff. The hardships of having MS and the junk nobody wants to talk about. Like the fact that I have been stuck so many times I feel like a pin cushion (and wanted to be one for Halloween), why are MRIs so loud when all I want is to sleep in there, why does it seem that people always fall into 2 extreme categories of either too helpful or stand back and watch the gimp struggle, when depression attacks or when good vision goes bad, and even the ever present wanting-to-hurt-myself, which I now realize I can't do to my family so don't worry about that. So I may sound extreme sometimes, but I am not as negative as I may come across (hate to blow my cover that way...). I just want to talk about what is swept under the rug and hear about whatever you want to talk about--I'm a good listener like that.

3 comments:

Tricia said...

Thanks for the stuff you do post. I hope it is giving me an insight into what is going through my husband's mind sometimes when he appears deep in thought and I ask what's on his mind and he says "nothing". Maybe not though - MS or not he is still a man and they seem to have this amazing ability to totally blank out their minds. I wish I could do that.

Anyway - from the other side of the fence - thanks for sharing.

Merelyme said...

hello there...just found your blog. i have MS too...was just diagnosed this past fall. not sure what the future will bring. anyways...nice to meet another blogger who is writing about their experience.

BRAINCHEESE said...

LOL...Is it wrong to laugh out loud about this topic? I ask myself that very question about A LOT of social taboos. Like when I really think I might like to kill someone...seriously...because I think it would make ME feel better. Is that a wrong thing to say?!?

Keep blogging away and say it like it is for you. Obviously if people are reading your blog, they MUST be relating in some way! (I always figure they read mine for the same reasons people slow down to gawk at a traffic fatality...just dayumed morbid curiosity!)

Linda D. in Seattle