Tuesday, July 13, 2010

So Much Negativity

Ya know, I really wanted to write a blog post about some of the funnier things that have been going on around here. Like when we went to the local lakes here and Sugarbowl found everything disgusting on the beach and in the water. Or maybe I should say it found her. First she put her shoes next to 2 dead rotting fish, then she was attacked by a slimy clump of algae, and finally she stepped on a fish spine that some fish rudely left behind when it died and rotted on the beach. She and Acorn wanted to go to that particular beach because Acorn has big boobs and doesn't like to show them off, and Sugarbowl has a big butt and gut and doesn't want to show it off, so we had to go to a beach that no one else was at. They are ready to have others see their big body parts next time because that beach was obviously empty for a reason. I would have liked to write about that, but there is so much negativity floating around everyone right now that it has my undivided attention, and maybe if I vent it I can move on. Maybe.

Everyone in my family is hurt and angry at everyone else. It is such a mess that we would need a mediator to come in and help us all out because everyone is sure that they are right and everyone else is wrong. Mostly it is centered around my older sister and a situation that nobody can agree on. Sugarbowl has some hurt feelings towards me, but she and I are so used to fighting that we can be mad at each other and still function, mainly because we are BFFs and love each other no matter what happens. But my older sister... I'm no longer sure she loves any of us. Here is the Cliff Notes version of the whole thing.

The house that we were renting -- we finally moved -- was my older sister's house. We moved because they were having financial problems and decided to let the house go into foreclosure. The house payment was $1200 a month and we paid $1000, but they were having a hard time paying that extra $200. My mom helped us with the rent each month, so "my" part of the rent -- my mom paid mine and an extra $250 to help us out -- was $625 and Sugarbowl paid $375. The house payments had fallen behind by $5500 and my older sister had sold a piece of her land and could bring the house current but Sugarbowl and I had decided to go our separate ways by then, so she kept the money instead. When Sugarbowl heard that they decided to keep the money and let the house go, she thought that meant that we would not have to pay rent on a house that my older sister was letting go back to the bank. She thought dead wrong. My older sister still wanted us to pay rent. Sugarbowl was furious and moved out before she had to pay another month's rent to "line their pockets." My older sister said that I could take the appliances when I moved, so I was not as bothered about still paying rent on a house that they were not making any payments on, even though I thought she could have cut me a little slack and not exacted my full $625 each month. She thought she was cutting me slack by only having me pay my part and not the full $1000. Never mind that the money was coming from her disabled sister's account and her 68 year old mother. She needed that rent money. She has a lifestyle to maintain! (Sorry, a little anger seeped out there.) When Acorn moved in with me, she told my mom that the rent should really be $1000 again.

When Sugarbowl moved out, she left all the dirty cat boxes and the cat crap all over the basement floor. I had put my cat down months ago and was tired of cleaning up after her cats. I knew she was moving and she had planned on taking the cat boxes with her, so I didn't clean them. She went downstairs, took one look at the dirty, overflowing cat boxes, and decided that she would just buy new cat boxes. It angered me so much that I left all that mess because all the stuff in the basement was hers and I wanted it to soak up as much of that cat crap smell as possible. My older sister is mad that the basement was that bad and is feeling "used" because "her" house was so dirty and "trashed." They had left a Foosball table behind and they claim that a cat climbed up on the Foosball table, somehow squatted on those moving poles, and peed on it. I can understand how a cat with a UTI would do something like that, but the only cat that had been in that house with a UTI was one of hers that she had to put down after it had peed all over the house. She kept talking about how a cat had peed on and wrecked "a $400 Foosball table" like we should pay to replace it when they had left it down there for a year and a half. If it was so damn important, why did they leave it for so long? And I think the $7000 they made off of us for rent for a house that has been foreclosed on would cover that expense. She doesn't see it that way and is mad at us.

Remember those appliances that she said I could have? Well, apparently I misunderstood her saying that I could have them for meaning that I could have them. I only took the stove because the one here is so old. She decided that they needed that stove so we had to move it back. My mother and 69 year old stepfather moved that stove back so she could sell it and maybe make a little more money. Now here is where it gets really fun! The land that she sold a part of to help pay off some of their mounting debts, my mom bought for her. She didn't intend to buy it for her, but she helped them get the loan to buy it, then they couldn't make the payments so my mom paid the whole $70,000 for them! They made $45,000 off of the piece that they sold and didn't give my mom one dime of it because she looks at the land as "her inheritance." Never mind the fact that my mom may need that money some day if she should ever -- God forbid! -- need to go into a nursing home and it ate up any money she has and nobody would have an "inheritance," she got hers! Never mind the fact that this duplex I moved into is my mom's and a nicer stove would help the value. She could sell that stove and make, what? $100-$150? That and all the other little "loans" my mom has given her over the years would bring her "inheritance" to about $150,000, by my conservative estimate. I was digging around on the internet looking for information about Borderline Personality Disorder, which my little sister has, to see if there was a way she and I could communicate better about the things that are bothering her about me, when I stumbled on Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I finally found what my older sister has. She has ZERO empathy for anyone else. She is exploitative to other people, especially her family, and she is preoccupied with having the "perfect" life. She has to have the best of the best and their lifestyle is going to put them into bankruptcy. She has an arrogant, haughty way of dealing with people and wants to be admired and envied.

I don't want a big fight in the family, so I am going to keep my distance until we all are a little less angry about all this. I am going to try, but whenever I think about this whole situation it makes me so mad I want to go toe to toe with her and have it out. I don't think it would change anything, her being Narcissistic, she would never see anyone's side but her own in all this. But sometimes I really want to say some things that she would never forget!


Anonymous said...

Wow! That sounds like quite the situation. I am also currently at odds with part of my family, mostly in-laws, and have taken the same stance as you. Things have cooled off but no solution has been reached. At least I'm not continually PO'd anymore. I wish you the best. I know it's not going to be easy

Denver Refashionista said...

What a drag. I feel really bad for your mom.

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