Sunday, April 18, 2010

I Guess I Didn't Need That

Good thing I have MS to play Big Brother for me and get rid of the stuff that I don't need or want anymore, regardless of how I feel about those things. According to my MS, I have been hoarding things that need to go, like my right leg. And both of my knee caps. Also my MS decided I should never forget about the trigeminal nerve on the right side of my face. It hugs my chest exactly where a bra strap goes so I find wearing anything but a sports bra uncomfortable -- it decided that I need a uni-boob because the whole "lift and separate" thing is overrated. Thank goodness it pointed out that a stagger and limp are so much more attractive than a regular walk. Who wants to blend in when you can stagger and be an object of interest to the public?

But MS is also a giver. It helped me start an interesting cane collection and knew that I needed a medicine cabinet stuffed full of drugs. It helped me fill my refrigerator with shots that I have to worry about being broken because that is a lot of money there. But MS has made sure that I don't have any money to worry about, because it is an expensive disease.

MS worries about me getting enough sleep. It worries so much about that that I never have to worry about it because it is there to make sure I get my rest. It never wants me to overexert myself so it put a limit on how much I can do before I become too fatigued. MS doesn't want me to get a heat stroke so it made me turn into a puddle of warm jelly in the heat; a puddle that runs to a cooler place at the first sign of melting.

MS decided that short term memory is too much baggage and tossed it overboard along with my ability to recall words when tired. Luckily I am still able to gesture and do a sort of charade to show people what word I'm trying to recall.

Now MS has decided to make my right arm numb and tingly, to keep my right leg company, I suppose. It enjoys giving me those "electric shocks" up the right side of my body, up into my hair, making my scalp crawl in the grossest way. Until it decides to give me my right arm back -- if it ever does -- I'm just going to have to trust its judgement, regardless of all its bad choices in the past. But we all make mistakes.


Jen said...

MS likes to remind me that I need to go to the bathroom A LOT. Two people fighting for one toilet proved disastrous about a month ago. And I actually shat in a bush the other day while on vacation because I couldn't make it walking back to the rental. Thankfully I was with seniors, so I kinda felt at home.

; D

zoomdoggies said...

Yah. Just this morning I was trying to come up for the word for that place where... you know... they project stars? On the ceiling? Um, yeah. Planetarium. That's it. Planetarium.

carla said...

Thanks so much for posting this... I am pretty new to the MS game and in addition I had a stroke last year and lost the vision in my right eye.. some days I want to get a tattoo of an arrow above my good eye saying "look here" and a shirt that says "you should see the last guy who asked me about my leg"
Thanks for your honesty..

Herrad said...

It has been awhile since I visited many blogs.
Decided to do a quick visit to say hello to as many blogs as possible tonight..
Nice to visit your blog its been ages, I am sure it will not be so long again especially now my life is getting better.
I went out this afternoon for the first time since 19 August 2009 and it was brilliant.
Lovely to feel my world getting bigger again after all this time in bed.
Have a good evening and a pleasant day tomorrow.
Please visit Steve @ The Wheel Of Fortuna

Important we support him in the first weeks of his bereavement.

Anonymous said...

My daughter has just recently been diagnosed with pediatric ms. I've been searching all over for info. and stumbled across your ridiculously hilarious blog. Thank you.