Cast Of Characters

A comment I recently got started the crusty wheels in my head a' turning:

"... I feel like I know you and your family (sugar bowl, princess etc.) Sort of like a familiar tv series that you get to know all the players."

That made me think that maybe I should give a more formal rundown of the main cast to this R rated drama that is my life. (Once upon a time I would have called it X rated, but things have really changed for me.) Princess is going to give her input here too, to help balance (?) it out. Youngest to oldest we are:

Jabber

Blindbeard says: He in an 8 year old ADHHHHHHD kid whose tongue is hung in the middle and flaps at both ends. There are only 2 thoughts rattling around in his head: boogers and video games, namely Mario and Luigi. His hair is a red/orange, more orange then red, so we also call him Pumpkin Top, like if he hits his head we tell him to be careful not to spill his pumpkin seeds, or to start using his pumpkin seeds to form a thought that doesn't involve boogers and video games, or, being a boy, his penis. You don't want his hands to touch your face or, God forbid!, get in your mouth because you run a VERY high risk of getting raging Shigella. But he is also a very creative kid who can entertain himself for hours with the simplest of things, like a pair of earmuffs and a bungee cord will keep him occupied for hours. Who knew that bungee cords and earmuffs could have such great conversations? I wouldn't have thought they would have much in common.

Princess says: He is an annoying 8 year old boy who is addicted to video games but only the video games we have here. He has to take his DS every where and loses his games, and sadly, we bought him more for Christmas. Sorry, I was asleep when you asked me and I had a dream you were drawing a cow that looked like a sink.

Princess

Blindbeard says: She is an 11 year old know-it-all who is highly intelligent and can be a good companion but hates shopping to the point that it drives me crazy to take her with me. She is worried someone might see her naked body and goes to great lengths to make sure no one does. She is one stubborn mule and will dig in her heels and not back down no matter what the consequences may be for doing so. She doesn't think her mother and I are funny when we know we are damn funny. She is breathing down my neck right now and is watching every word I type and correcting me about everything.

Princess says: I'm the best person ever! Don't put that! I don't think that! It makes me sound conceited. You know, I am going to go in and delete all this! I hate you.

Sugarbowl

Blindbeard says: That woman and I are either getting along great or at loggerheads about something or everything, depending on the day and whether she took her meds or not. She is very creative and she and I can play off each others wit and amuse ourselves for too long. She talks too loud, due to ear problems as a child, and will blast everyone out of the bleachers at Princess's basketball games, no matter how many times I try to shush her. Her car is a mobile dump that drives me insane to have to ride in it, so we take my car so she doesn't have to hear me bitch about what a disgusting mess her car is. She likes stupid pets and I have to pull out my bossy big sister to keep her from starting a petting zoo in her room. She is allergic to cleaning and one tired lazy slob, but I still loves her.

Princess says: I say nothing about her.

Blindbeard

Blindbeard says: I know I have a lot of faults. I am a clean, organized person by nature and living with slobs can make me very hard to live with at times. I do not share well, what's mine is mine and I will not share with you. I tend to not have a lot of empathy for others, and do not care what anyone thinks about me, only what I think about them. I have certain things that I do not like anyone else to touch, like my favorite pen. One time Sugarbowl took it to work because she couldn't find any other pens. She didn't tell me until she got back home because she knew I would pop a vein in my head if I knew. I now hide that pen better. I change the words to songs all the time, to suit my mood and what is happening around me. I am very literal and will miss a lot of things that are not meant to be taken literally, or it takes me awhile to figure it all out. I read boring books that no one else can understand why I would read, but I am an historical non fiction addict who can only go so long without my fix.

Princess says: You are a great big glob of greasy grimy gopher guts; smell so bad it drives me nuts. You like to go shopping way way way too much. You can be fun and funny when you want to, other times you are an ass hole (she actually said that! And told me I could write that!). You steal my animals, even though I recovered one. The other I will never recover (her dog). You yell at me to get ready even though you have nothing else to do. You talk constantly; you have diarrhea of the mouth (HYPOCRITE!). You think the couch is yours even though you DIDN'T EVEN HELP MOVE IT INTO THE HOUSE! (The couch is mine, for the record.) You read dumb books. You get up at the crack of dawn.

BB: Don't you have anything decent to say about me?
P: I don't think I do. But you can be my best friend at times.

Party In My Pants

And nobody is coming. There have been so many parties at my house, one would think we are a bunch of wild & crazy gals. Alas, we are not. We can't even pretend to be. But sometimes we like to think we are rockin' the place.

Princess's Party

Princess has been grounded for the last umpteen years for yelling at her mom to "SHUT UP" when her mother told her to turn off the wii and get ready for bed. That went over like the proverbial lead balloon. I was reading in bed and heard it all. I was surprised that Sugarbowl did not react worse than she did. I was afraid things were going to get so ugly I would have to pry my tired arse out of bed, don my striped referee shirt, grab my whistle that I use to get the dogs' attention and whip their butts back into shape. Sugarbowl did not go off on a yelling spree, but grounded her for a long time. The next morning she gave Princess the option to apologize and have her sentence reduced, but Princess is one stubborn mule and wouldn't back down. She told her mother that she could have said more! (Sound of all those lead balloons crashing to earth.) Now Princess is on a party of "I'm sorry now, so let's all be friends and unground me" and nobody is buying it. She's trying to play the martyr and show how innocent and sweet she is but the last 11 years are against her. So until her sentence is over -- Christmas day -- she will be partying by herself.


Sugarbowl's Party

So Sugarbowl boo hoo-ed and got herself a dog. He is a Chihuahua and mini pin mix and one cute little booger. He is also very resistant to house training. We toss his butt outside but he couldn't possibly pinch his stinkies out there. He can hold it until he gets back inside, thanks. The other day Sugarbowl had a date, which is a great story in itself, and came home late. Her room smelled like a fresh pile of poo, but she thought the cat boxes got too close to the furnace and it was pumping all that stinky air into her room, so she just went to sleep. When I had to poke my head into her room the next morning, I noticed the horrible smell, but thought the same thing about the cat boxes and maybe because she closes her door at night the stench was trapped in there. It was trapped all right, because Rupert (her dog) had a diarrhea party in there and squirted crap all over a bunch of her clothes. Sugarbowl says she was the only one who showed up for the party because Rupert sleeps in my bed and he can only come in her room to crap. She wants him to stay with her but she says -- to my great amusement -- that he strains his main butt hole vein to get away from her and get to me and will only use her room for a bathroom. She was so mad about all her clothes that were covered in crap, and her breathing in diarrhea air all night, that she gave me custody of Rupert for the last 2 days. I don't want custody of him. I already have, against my will, 2 dogs and DO NOT want a third dog. I actually only have one official dog, my yellow lab, the corgi is Princess's but for some reason that dog attached himself to me and only has 2 thoughts in his head, "Protect Blindbeard, and DESTROY!" Now Rupert has decided that he likes me best and with him and Widget in my bed, there is little room for me, but we sure do keep warm. Widget gets pretty pissy about Rupert in my bed and I have to break up their fights, which they usually like to have in my face, too often. It's a good thing I like dogs so much or they would all be sleeping on the floor. Damn my soft loving nature!

Lastly, I will leave you with this 12 Days of Christmas that Princess penned about all our pets. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have. (I'm going to condense it with comments.)

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me,
A Pembroke Welsh corgi.
2 golden labs,
3 crapping Chihuahuas
4 sneezing Stubbys (a stray cat that adopted me and has a chronic sinus infection)
5 cross eyed kitties (her Siamese cat that is cross eyed but the best hunter we have)
6 not-so-Angels (a cat that is a pain in the butt)
7 dirty Kiras (Sugarbowl's cat that doesn't "wipe" after using the cat box)
8 little Nellies (an outdoor cat of unknown origins)
9 Butterpads (her gerbil)
10 squeaking Squeakers (her other gerbil)
11 stinky dog farts
12 diarrhea parties.

Dear Blindbeard: The Wha...? Edition

*Author's Note: I'm a complete moron. I have been diagnosed for almost 5 years not six like I said in the second letter. How time flies when you're not having fun.



Sometimes I get these comments that I can't figure out how they are related to anything I ever said. To these I dedicate this Dear Blindbeard.


Dear Blindbeard,

Coulnt read past day 3. Very sad had to write in first place. Realise MS makes a difference to life and it is not nice but it is worse with anger and eats away. If thought that there is always somebody worse off it does help.

Suejan


Dear Beautiful Suejan,

My dear, you missed the point of my 12 Days of Christmas. It may seem angry, but that was not my intent. It was merely my making fun of myself and the gifts that MS has given me, which it has been very generous with. My therapists have told me that anger can be a good thing because it is motivating and helps you push the boundaries of this disease -- granted you don't want to take it too far, but a little can help.

I can't dwell on the thoughts of how many people are worse off than me for too long. It depresses me and makes me very sad and down. I feel for those people and wish I could help, but I only have my friendship and empathy to give them, and nobody is beating down my door to get either of those things. I was going to school for Human Services and did foster care for several years, so I know how bad off some people are. My spewing about MS does not mean I am not aware of others' sufferings, I am just choosing to make fun of my own, to which I will share this little nugget of wisdom:

The whole thing's daft,
I don't know why.
You have to laugh
Or else you'll cry.

That sums up my outlook on MS and life better than any other adage I can think of.

Love,
Blindbeard


Dear Blindbeard,

Hey there,

So I found you blog when I was looking for MS blogs and other MS related info. and such because I got diagnosed a week and a half ago. I'm 16 with my entire life ahead of me. Weirdly, I love reading your depressing blog. Seeing all that negative only forces me to want to disagree (or something) so I find the positive... the "silver lining" if you will.

So thank you for your dreary blogs. They're helping me to cope with this unfortunate disease.

Cheers and Merry Christmas!

Linnea


Dear Beautiful Linnea,

Hey there,

I was diagnosed almost 6 years ago. I'm 35 with my entire life ahead of me. Weirdly, I am not writing a depressing blog. Seeing this comment makes me wonder if you read a different blog and posted a comment on here. Seeing all that stuff about "depressing" makes me remember how I was when newly diagnosed. I tried to find the "silver lining" if you will, went through all the different stages of grief and ended up finding that I enjoy a good laugh at myself best of all.

So thank you for a comment that missed the point of my entire blog. I only have one blog, but thanks for thinking I could keep up on "blogs" -- this one helps me cope with this unfortunate disease.

Love,
Blindbeard

P.S. This whole comment smacks of insincerity and I almost want to call bull sh*t on the whole thing. If for nothing else, because you are "only 16" I am hoping I am right and this whole thing is crap. Cheers and Merry Christmas!

This Email I Got

I'm sharing this because it is really interesting and puts a ton of things into perspective. Sometimes I really need to remember how much bigger everything is compared to my problems -- not that I don't know that, I just like to be reminded. I took out the cheesy text because this speaks for itself.

12 Days Of Christmas

*Author's Note: I'm reposting this for any who might have missed it last year, but I am working on a new one for this year. MS is the gift that just keeps on giving... and giving, and giving, and giving, and giving.




On the first day of Christmas my MS gave to me,

1 life time of misereeeee.



On the second day of Christmas my MS gave to me,

2 frozen feet,

And a life time of misereeee.



On the third day of Christmas my MS gave to me,

3 hours of sleep,

2 frozen feet,

And a life time of misereeee.



On the fourth day of Christmas my MS gave to me,

4 stiff limbs,

3 hours of sleep,

2 frozen feet,

And a life time of misereee.



On the fifth day of Christmas my MS gave to me,

5 itchy spots,

4 stiff limbs,

3 hours of sleep,

2 frozen feet,

And a life time of misereee.



On the sixth day of Christmas my MS gave to me,

6 morning meds,

5 itchy spots,

4 stiff limbs,

3 hours of sleep,

2 frozen feet,

And a life time of misereee.



On the seventh day of Christmas my MS gave to me,

7 night meds,

6 morning meds,

5 itchy spots,

4 stiff limbs,

3 hours of sleep,

2 frozen feet,

And a life time of misereee.



On the eighth day of Christmas my MS gave to me,

8 new aches and pains,

7 night meds,

6 morning meds,

5 itchy spots,

4 stiff limbs,

3 hours of sleep,

2 frozen feet,

And a life time of misereee.



On the ninth day of Christmas my MS gave to me,

9 assistive devices,

8 new aches and pains,

7 night meds,

6 morning meds,

5 itchy spots,

4 stiff limbs,

3 hours of sleep,

2 frozen feet,

And a life time of misereee.

On the tenth day of Christmas my MS gave to me

10 year old I can't keep up with,

9 assistive devices,

8 new aches and pains,

7 night meds,

6 morning meds,

5 itchy spots,

4 stiff limbs,

3 hours of sleep,

2 frozen feet,

And a life time of misereee.

On the eleventh day of Christmas my MS gave to me

11 jerks and twitches,

10 year old I can't keep up with,

9 assistive devices,

8 new aches and pains,

7 night meds,

6 morning meds,

5 itchy spots,

4 stiff limbs,

3 hours of sleep,

2 frozen feet,

And a lifetime of misereee.

On the twelfth day of Christmas my MS gave to me

12 things I can't remember,

11 jerks and twitches,

10 year old I can't keep up with,

9 assistive devices,

8 new aches and pains,

7 night meds,

6 morning meds,

5 itchy spots,

4 stiff limbs,

3 hours of sleep,

2 frozen feet,

And a life time of misereee.

Pity, Party Of One, Your Table Is Ready

Yesterday I held a pity party for myself, against my own will. I tried to fight it but it wouldn't go away. Coming off of Tysabri and doing the oral steroids, I was hurting, irritable, edgy and unable to get any sleep. I did the steroids for 3 days and decided that the side effects are not worth it. My mouth tasted like I was sucking on an old penny that had been soaked in Robitussin and no matter how many times I brushed my teeth or ate mints, it wouldn't go away. I called my neurologist and told her this, my history of suicidal inclinations was in my favor, I am not going to finish my 5 days of steroids and the plan of having me do steroids for the next 6 months until Copaxone reaches its therapeutic levels has been scrapped. While trying to find a way to get my body comfortable, I spent too much time on Facebook and read all about every one's hot plans for the weekend, which sent my pity party into full swing.

For games I decided against Monopoly and went for Pin The Self Loathing On The Gimp. I fell into the old Why Can't I Be Normal trap and went round and round with that. I didn't want to admit it, but I was jealous of those who can go and do things, especially at night when I am counting down the minutes until I can go to bed. I want to jog again, walk my dog, read half the night, be able to keep up with Princess, shop all day with Sugarbowl. I want to be normal and feel like a 35 year old woman, not a 95 year old woman. I want to join in all the reindeer games and be able to stay up too late and rock it with a lampshade on my head. I do not want to be ME anymore. I hate the fact that MS has all the say over me and if I try to fight it I only hurt myself worse. If I try to push myself too far, I get too tired and my muscles start shaking, that overwhelming fatigue where if you don't rest you run a HUGE risk of hurting yourself.

Ugh! I have to stop this pity party NOW because I am only irritating myself more. Every once in awhile I have to vent this stuff and be with it so it can pass and I can get back to life. I hate feeling this way and I HATE feeling sorry for myself. It makes me even more of a bitchy jackass then usual, and nobody wants that. Luckily, my roomies were not interested in coming to my party and decided to tease and harass me to keep me from taking myself too seriously, so I do feel a little better and even started to laugh at the way they were walking like me and stumbling over everything while forgetting what they was doing 5 minutes ago. When holding a pity party, it is best to invite those who will not join in on the pity. I still wish I could party all night with a lampshade on my head, but at least I can admit that my dancing would look like the tin man in a rain storm and that image amuses me and makes me feel a little better.