Thursday, March 13, 2014

Guide For The Newly Diagnosed: Pay No Attention To The Man Behind The Curtain

And that man is usually a member of the general public spouting tired cliches mostly found on Facebook posts with cute kittens. You know, the kind of sh*t you see and think, "that is true... Ha ha! My ex slipped on the ice and broke his fat ass! That's the most uplifting post I have ever seen on here!" You are going to hear a criminal amount of stupid crap, useless platitudes and general bad advice. Refer to the good advice in the title of this post. Depending on the source and my mood I have different ways of handling these sages.

The Slow Blink

Some one just told you, "None of us knows what tomorrow brings!" and goes skipping off to take a jog before they make dinner for their family. You are dealing with an attack that has you staggering like a drunk and barely able to stay awake until dinner. Their words are hanging in the air... waiting for a reply... wipe your face of all emotion... now... b...l...i...n...k. It's true, none of us do know, but to say something like that when the odds for your tomorrow are sooooo much better than my tomorrow is really a poor choice of an empty platitude. On the way out of the store grab some cheesy quotes book so you will be better prepared next time, or can at least hit me with something I don't hear as much. I really like Benjamin Franklin or Winston Churchill is good too.

The Lost My Patience

I'm actually a pretty patient person, so when I do lose my patience, you pushed me pretty good. Grocery shopping a bit ago, a woman was using a motorized cart. I could not possibly care any less if someone is using a cart, wheelchair, cane, iditarod dogs, etc. She and her husband came up behind me while I was pondering which spaghetti sauce was truly as delicious as it claimed to be, when he loudly said, "EXCUSE US! She's in a cart!" I no longer cared about spaghetti sauce. I told him, "I don't care if she's in a cart! I have to use them sometimes too because I have Multiple Sclerosis!" I think I may have dropped the F bomb in there too because that kind of attitude really pisses me off. I wasn't blocking the aisle; it was earlier in the morning so it wasn't busy; and why should anyone roll out the red carpet for you because you are in a cart? I had my cane in my shopping cart and no one was walking in front of me loudly informing people of it. "Here she comes! She has a cane! Mush, you little peons! And some one grab her some spaghetti sauce because in all that brouhaha she forgot to grab some! There she goes! She has a cane!" 

The F*ck Stick

This is for when you have really, really pissed me off. You know that old adage "beware a patient man's anger," well I am that patient man. My mom HATES the F word. She hates it to the point that if you use it it has to be in the most extreme situations, and even then... Talking to her on the phone I slammed my finger in the door and took a big chunk off my finger, blood all over, and I said f*ck. My mom was more concerned about my language than my finger. My mother is what inspired this last one, and inspired it is! She really got me livid one day. I haven't been that furious in a long time; I was so angry I told her I wanted to beat her over the head with the word F*CK. I didn't necessarily want to kill her, so I wanted to get a foam stick and carve the word F*CK (I would censor it for the kids' if they saw it) into it to beat her with. For non-human uses I want to get a punching bag to hang in my garage and go out there and beat it with my f*ck stick when I get really mad. I have an old cane with F*CK written on it and there really are not words for the release I get from beating on an old pile of rugs in my basement when I feel the need. 

I know -- or at least I think -- people mean well, but sometimes I wish they would mean well somewhere far away from me. 




10 comments:

climbingdownhill said...

Reading this was completely entertaining and relieved some of my own stress! Thanks.

Honeysuckle said...

Brilliant. Again.

maggie.danhakl@healthline.com said...

Hi,

Healthline just launched a video campaign for MS called "You've Got This" where individuals living with MS can record a short video to give hope and inspiration those recently diagnosed with MS.

You can visit the homepage and check out videos from the campaign here: http://www.healthline.com/health/multiple-sclerosis/youve-got-this

We will be donating $10 for every submitted campaign to the National MS Society, so the more exposure the campaign gets the more the videos we'll receive and the more Healthline can donate to MS research, support groups, treatment programs, and more.

We would appreciate if you could help spread the word about this by sharing the You've Got This with friends and followers or include the campaign as a resource on your page: http://blindbeardsmsblog.blogspot.com/

Please let me know if this is possible and if you have any questions. And, if you know anyone that would be interested in submitting a video, please encourage them to do so.

Best,
Maggie Danhakl • Assistant Marketing Manager
p: 415-281-3124 f: 415-281-3199

Healthline • The Power of Intelligent Health
660 Third Street, San Francisco, CA 94107
www.healthline.com | @Healthline | @HealthlineCorp

About Us: corp.healthline.com

Kate Aquilino said...

I recognize your anger and raise you one hissy fit. I'm still walking after 40+ years with the beast. I wrote a book and all the f s were edited out. It changed my life!

Muddling Through MS - 40 years doing it my way website muddlingthroughms.com

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Robert Askey said...

My wife of nearly 22 years died from Multiple Sclerosis in 2009 after suffering from the condition for almost a quarter of a century.

There is still no cure for the disease and not really much in the way of effective treatment but the research through the M.S. Society continues. The problem with research is that it requires funding.

So that's what I'm doing. I am walking up the entire west coast of Scotland (approximately 500 miles) to raise money for M.S. research in the hope that someone else would have better chances than my wife did.

Please take the time to share my story. Thanks.

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Regards,
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Lindsey