Thursday, November 11, 2010

Dear Blindbeard: The "It's All You, Mustanginblue" Edition

Dear Blindbeard,

I tend to have most suicidal thoughts when I think about how moronic the majority of people are. Since I can't take all the morons out of the world, I could instead take myself out and not have to suffer them anymore.

You know, now that you (well your sister to be exact) brought it up, I think I'd like to be embalmed and have my brother and sister have to display me in their homes all their lives. They could trade me off every Christmas! I could be posed on the couch and drunk guys could cop a feel and then later tell my sibling "Man, your sister's hot but kinda stiff."
(Truthfully I,too, want to be cremated and then thrown in a ditch for all I care.)

Mustanginblue


Dear Beautiful Mustanginblue,

This comment made me laugh so loud, and at such an early hour, Sugarbowl yelled down the stairs at me to "shut the hell up because some people have to work." In fact, I love your idea of being embalmed and displayed in various relatives houses so much that I may have to put that in my will. I may even add embalming my dog, too. They could prop me up in the yard in a twisted kind of nativity scene with my dog as the baby Jesus and me as one of the barnyard animals. That's pure genius and you have my undying admiration for coming up with such a fabulous idea!

As to the first part of your comment, I had an epiphany the other day about the "other half" of this world's population -- well, I guess we gimps are in the extreme minority, but that is beside the point, along with hair gel. When shopping recently, and feeling irritated with how people's eyes skitter off when you catch them checking you out, I thought, "Be careful, Honey, it could happen to you." And that is when the epiphany struck. In the blink of an eye, in less than a blink of an eye, something could befall you and you would be in the same rotting boat with me. You could get in an accident, get a stupid disease, heck, even break your leg and never walk the same again, then how would you want people to treat you? While expounding this point, and working myself into a lather, to Sugarbowl, she said that she had been meaning to ask me how I do want people to treat me. I asked her if it was her, how would she want to be treated? She said exactly like everyone else, but she still wasn't sure how to treat them. I asked her how she treats everyone else, and she said she tends to ignore other people, so I told her to ignore them, too. And please, for the sake of all that she holds holy, if you do meet their eye and get caught checking them out, don't try to act like you weren't. At least smile at them, or do something that doesn't make them feel less than human. I think that is what bothers me the most, that they won't meet my eye and that makes me feel like I'm less than human, whether they feel that way or not, that is how it makes me feel.

Love,
Blindbeard


Dear Blindbeard,

What are you reading right now? That is my question.

Mustanginblue


Dear Beautiful Mustanginblue,

What I am reading right now is an eclectic blend of all things really good. Something about the cold weather makes me want to curl up with some good fiction. Summer I tend to read only historical nonfiction, but when it starts cooling down, I need a good story to sink my teeth into. I did not have any fiction around that I have not read umpteen thousand times before, so I asked Princess if she had any good books I could read. She has been reading The Sword of Truth books and suggested I read those. I had this preconceived notion that they would be some romantical fantasy junk that wouldn't hold my interest, probably due to the cover art that looks like some romantical fantasy junk kind of books. I don't mind some fantasy; I enjoy books about worlds where odd things are the norm, so I figured I would give them 100 pages -- what I give every book to see if it grabs my attention or not -- and then try something else, because I'm not into romantical fantasy junk. I can admit when I'm wrong, and I was WRONG WRONG WRONG about those books! I have been sucked in and don't care if I never come back out. Luckily, there are 11 books in the series and I just read that he signed a contract to write 3 more, so I may never leave that world. I'm on the 3rd book and it blows my mind how someone can come up with these ideas, keep introducing new characters and story lines that are just as good as the first ones he had. The author, Terry Goodkind, is originally from Omaha, Nebraska, and that makes me proud. It's nice to have good things come from your state instead of embarrassing things.

Other than that, I'm reading about local history and was pleasantly surprised to find out that I live in a place steeped in interesting history. The town I now live in was a stop on the Mormon trail, and is only a few miles from a sacred Native American site that I have no intentions of burying my dead in for fear they may come back and kill me, like in Pet Semetary -- YIKES! I also found out that the house I live in was once a grange hall outside of town, which they moved in and used as a library for years. They also had a stage on the side I live in -- it's a duplex -- where they would put on plays and other programs for the town. Very cool.

So that is all the stuff I'm reading right now. Hope you aren't too sorry you asked.

Love,
Blindbeard

3 comments:

mustanginblue said...

You have made me laugh so many times at the things you have posted that I am glad I could return the favor! You nativity scene idea is awesome!! It would truly be a traffic stopping spectacle!

I haven’t been stared at because as of yet, my MS hasn’t caused any visible disabilities. However, I do remember going to eat one time with my family back when my dad was still doing good but already had his disability plates on the car. We parked in a handicap spot and this guy on the side walk leading up to the restaurant passed us and said “Doesn’t look very handicapped to me.” I turned and said, “He has MS, you asshole, look it up.” Irritated the hell out of me. It’s always bothered me that people have no idea what MS is or what it does because they only see you as looking “fine.” I just want people to know what MS does, like they know what cancer or arthritis does.

(OMG THE COPAXONE ITCHING IS DRIVING ME NUTS!! I am in my office hoping no one comes in to see me scratching myself to death. Thankfully the butt shots don’t itch too much because that would be fun, walking around work scratching my ass. )

I was thinking that I had read Wizard’s First Rule but I went to see and I don’t think I have. I probably have it in a stack (I am a librarian and we get lots of advanced reading copies so I have many stacks) waiting to be read at home and now on your recommendation, I will give it a try. I like long series too as long as the story is worth reading.

That is cool about where you live. I like knowing the history of buildings. I live in a house built in 1995 so there’s no history but there is a nice park at the beginning of the neighborhood and a greenbelt that runs along the north side of the ‘hood.

Thanks for answering! I will pester you with questions off and on(it’s my job as a librarian to be inquisitive!), so feel free to answer or not.

Nikki said...

I saw your funny picture and got captured.
Then I read your post that is even funnier.
Kudos.

http://www.kids-christmas-activities.com/?hop=nikkijoy

Anonymous said...

Dear Blindbeard,
What's up with that sugarbowl? She sounds like one of the coolest people EVER!!!! I would love to hang out with more people like that my life would be fantastic!!! I think that you might just be a little too hard on her!! You should be a lot nicer to her!

Much love
Sugarbowl