Thursday, May 22, 2008

I'm Baaaaaaack!

Did you miss me? Because I missed you, yes every last one of you. Your beautiful smile, lovely eyes, gentle touch... oh wait, wrong website. I mean, I never go to websites like that! I am an upstanding person of strong values who would never soil my pure mind with such fabulous trash as that. Speaking of such, I ran into a profile on myspace that went on and on about how the Bible is their favorite book and they were looking for someone of similar values yet he was a swinger. Now I am not sure exactly how that all works, but I am pretty sure the Bible does not condone swinging. I haven't read the Bible for a few years (yes, I have read the whole Bible several times) but from what I remember, swingers seems to be the opposite of what the Bible is about. But I have been wrong before. There is nothing I love more than hypocrisy and irony, they are the bread and butter of my sorry life, so to not make a comment of some of this stuff is really hard for me. My little sister said I need to make a profile for myself that I can use just to comment of these types of things. I even have a great name picked out, "Butt Plug." It has such a nice ring to it. So if you get some snarky comments from a Butt Plug, that would be me. But if you do not try to portray yourself as holier-than-thou while having things that do not add up with that attitude, you will be safe from my venom.

Yesterday was my Barfday; I turned 34. That is no secret, which is a good thing because if it was it would be the worst kept secret in Nebraska. All day yesterday, everywhere we went, Princess went on and on about how it was my birthday and she could not believe I was 34. Wow, 34! Isn't it crazy that I am now 34?! That makes me almost 3.5 times older than her. How does it feel to be 34? I am getting so old (to a 10 year old). Who could believe that I can be 34 and not need an oxygen tank, walker, and a special chair that dumps my ass out of it for me? Personally, I have not found my 30's to be that bad and I do not think 30's is old, but what do I know? I need a Boy Scout to help my ancient arse across the street now. Other than that nothing new to report here. We are up to our eyeballs in boxes and frankly, my dears, I am sick to death of unpacking all my junk. My little sister said the next time she moves she is only taking a change of clothes and a toothbrush... or maybe just buy the toothbrush later. I have to agree with that. You never realize how much crap you have amassed until you have to move it all, especially when you move into a smaller house. So there is the Blindbeard/Butt Plug update. Its great to be back and I need to get to your blogs and see how you are doing. Hopefully better than me in my messy house and one-foot-in-the-grave-and-the-other-on-a-banana-peel self.

4 comments:

LISA EMRICH said...

Ok, so we've been duly warned miss buttplug/blindbeard, or could that be blindplug/buttbeard (eww), or maybe bluntblearypinebug. Anyways I hope you and Princess are doing well.

Shauna said...

have to say i like "buttbeard" but only 'cause it makes Lisa go Ewwwww...lol.

Happy Barfday! Or as I like to say, birfday!

S.

BRAINCHEESE said...

Thank Gawd you've returned from the semi-dead! I have been missing my dose of irreverence, which is crucial that I keep a blood level of the stuff...

You really would have caught my eye if this post had been titled, "Swingers, the Bible, and Butt Plugs"...of course, many a PORN reader would have been google-directed here, too!

Linda D. in Seattle

roger said...

Hello, miss butt plug! just kidding. Hope you are doing well and looking forward to reading your blogs.