Dear wonlife,

Your comment has piqued my interest. Would you be so fabulously kind as to tell me more about the Ritalin? Does it rev you up? Does it work well throughout the day? I have a problem with ADD so I am wondering if it helps give you energy and keep attention on things too. Also I am curious about taking Ambien to sleep at night. I have never had a problem sleeping at night, sadly, and am curious why you need help getting to sleep. Is it due to muscle spasms? Or just insomnia? Please tell me more. Thank you, love Blindbeard.

Darn This Fatigue!

I have to say, without a doubt in my mind, that this fatigue is the worst part of MS for me. I barely get rested up from Thanksgiving and Christmas is here. I can take a lot of the other problems that come in this lovely Multiple Sclerosis gag-gift box, but the fatigue irritates me more than all of them combined. I am as tired as someone 3 times my age and I get so sick of having to rest all the time. I miss the old days of being able to go all day and read half the night. Now I am in bed by 9 and lucky to get a half hour of reading in. We have one kid now (temporarily until her parents get in a better place) and sometimes I feel guilty for not having more energy for her. But then she buries me under a mountain of words and I realize that all she really wants is to flap her jaws and have somebody listen--that and play a few board games with her. I can take my messed up vision and itchy numb spots, but I really really wish I wasn't so tired. I take Amantadine, and that helps. I tried Provigil and HATED it. I felt like I should have snorted it or smoked it, it made me clench my jaw and want to chain smoke--not exactly the "awake" I am looking for. But the best thing yet has been taking the recommended rests, speaking of which, I have a hot date with my couch. Merry Holidays, my fellow afflicted inhabitants of this planet. Here's hoping that next year is (at least) not as bad as any past year has been, and really what more can you ask for?

Suicide: The Ultimate Catch 22?

Sorry for my prolonged silence. I have been snowed in with a kid and that fries my brain to the point that I cannot string together a coherent sentence. That and I have been feeling a little blue the last few days. No real reason for it, except maybe the holidays--I hate them. The stress, fuss and bother. Trying to make them good for everyone and always feeling like you came up short; you know, the usual. It does not surprise me that this time of the year has the highest suicide rates, not because I am going to off myself, but because of the cheer and how it makes you feel if you are not one of the cheerful. My little sister is locked in a bitter custody battle with her not-quite-ex-husband right now and she was feeling so hopeless she was thinking some crazy thoughts. I had to remind her that if she acted on any of them, who would poop on her ex-hubby's grave? (Under normal circumstances I would not condone pooping on anyone's grave, but he may very well deserve it.) If you are anything like me, and hopefully you are not, you don't want to miss what is coming next. Sure, I get down and think about ending it all, but I need to know what is going to happen next. My life used to be an X-rated soap opera (now with a kid it has been knocked down to R-rated) and sometimes I love the surprise of what is coming next. I am dying, no pun intended, to see how things are going to work out and wondering how it is going to play out. And that may be the only thing that keeps me here. Because, yes, MS sucks eggs, but I gotta know what is going to happen next. It is an endless source of wondering and speculation, especially when it is something you never would have guessed. Sometimes life is too fun to turn off the soap opera.