So Dude-ing Dumb

Sorry for not getting back here for so long -- I'm sure you all had the hounds out looking for me -- but I have just fought off the last vestiges of a hideous, dark, ugly depression. My older sister is getting ready to have surgery tomorrow and I have been helping her get ready to be laid up for a while. She's having a hysterectomy and has that pre-surgery "must get everything done NOW" going on. My mom is coming down to spend the next 2 weeks with her to help out. I live just down the street and can't wait for my mommy to be here and spend 2 weeks with us. I would end that sentence with about 50 exclamation marks but then I would be writing like Princess, who has now embarked on the most irritating "Dude" stage. She uses Dude for everything and everyone. To the dogs, "Dudes!!!!! You're on my homework!!!!!!!" To me, "Dude, I told you last time I don't eat that and, Dude, you just made it for dinner AGAIN!!!!!!!!!" Talking on the phone, "I know, Dude!!!!! He always does that!!!! Dude, do you think he is just a stupid dude who can't figure anything out, Dude?!!?!?!!!?!??!" It's really wearing on my nerves. I started using Dude like the Smurfs use the word Smurf, as an adjective, verb and noun. "Dude, that is so dude-ly dude-ish! I was just dude-ing this really dude book about something dude-ly close to that dude-est subject!" That didn't phase her, so I had to step it up a notch and have been calling her "Penis Wrinkle" every time she calls me Dude. I suggested that she use that instead of Dude all the time but she didn't think that would be such a good idea at school, plus she thinks Penis Wrinkle is gross. I would rather be called Penis Wrinkle right now than have to hear "DUDE!!!!!!!!" one more time.

Speaking of penis wrinkles and all things male anatomy, I have been pondering why so much stuff centers around the female anatomy, and have started a one woman crusade to change that to all things all male anatomy all the time. If you would like to join in this crusade, I will give you a few statements to help you get started, Penis Wrinkles, and hopefully we can make a dude-ing difference.

"Who used up the last penis-ing roll of toilet paper and didn't replace it?"

"Get your fat prostrate off this couch and get something done today or I may hurt you!"

"Why the testicle didn't I get this bill before it was late?"

I Don't Get It

I don't get a lot of things. I have come to terms with this. I am used to getting the joke last, not finding the deep hidden meaning to things everyone else saw immediately, and so on. So it should be of no surprise to anyone that when I just did a search about pronunciation to some of the names in the book I am currently enjoying, I stumbled across a deep intellectual discussion about the meaning of every little thing that happens in the book. There was a big argument about the author I am currently reading and an author of the same nationality and who was better. I read through the comments about it all and felt like I had missed the point of the whole book. Which led me to pondering how I could have missed that when the bear shat in the woods it was a symbol for the political situation and how society is being shat on by the current people "in charge" of us all. This naturally led me into wondering whatever happened to just enjoying the story and not looking for meaning in every single word. I get that there is meaning to the books, but does every thing have a hidden meaning that only the learned will comprehend? And where does that leave me?

I read these books for the simple reason that I enjoy a good story and, as I always say to anyone who will listen -- or is within earshot of me -- the classics are classics for a reason. I don't read them to analyze every word and break down the novel until it is no longer enjoyable. I can get most of the meaning in these books, I just enjoy the whole story and can see the value in the story as a whole, not broken down into little bitty pieces that leave the beauty behind. And if I don't tear it down sentence by sentence does that make me stupid or not as "smart" as those who do? I think it is pretentious to do that. That's right! I said it! And I know that I will probably be crucified for saying it, but I stand by that statement. Reading these books and trying to find a deeper meaning than anyone else is pretentious and I am not in a contest to see who has the deepest thoughts or is the smartest. I do not think someone passing a kidney stone is a metaphor for how human relations are akin to a painful and unpleasant situation for those who have to pass that stone/deal with other people.

If you want to find all these deep and hidden meanings, by all means, do so. I want to enjoy my books and love a good story. I get the books, just not in the same way all these intellectuals do. I think it annoys me so much because I don't like the idea of someone reading a book and feeling like they missed the whole point and must not be as smart because they didn't find all the Waldos hidden in it. I'm not looking for Waldo, just a story that grabs me and holds me to the end, which is why I enjoy the classics so much.

2 Really Good Excuses

I have 2 really good excuses for why I have not been blogging much lately. 2 Exceptional and jealousy-inspiring excuses... maybe I shouldn't share them, I don't want a price put on my head for being such an object of envy. But I am willing to put myself in harm's way to keep up the integrity of honesty in the blog-o-sphere.

I have been is such a slump lately. I can't seem to shake off this apathy and depression that has wrapped itself around me. I'm having a terrible case of the "this-is-my-life?!" going on right now. I just can't care that my laundry is backed up and the house is threatening to smother me in filth. Why bother? Nobody else cares that it's such a mess or is willing to help me in any way unless I have to get bitchy about it and that never ends well. I can't find any pleasure in my usual activities and want to climb in bed and stay there for a week until I feel better. I do the things I have to do then go back to holding down the couch so it doesn't blow away. I know this will pass, but it sure is taking its sweet ass time in moving on.

The second, and just as important reason, is that I slammed my finger in the car door the other day and it HURT! Not sure if I broke anything, but my finger now looks like hamburger it is so shredded and bruised. It is making typing very difficult: I have to use my naughty finger instead of my index finger to type.

Until the swelling goes down and I shake off this depression I will have to be silent on here. And Blindbeard + Silence = a backlog of words that will pile up and drown everyone when the dam breaks. Better prepare those high water pants you have been keeping for a rainy day...