Old Hat

In news that will shock no one, the SSA has denied my request for a review and upheld the judge's decision. *Yawn* It is so unshocking I was expecting it. The only good news is that it can sometimes take up to 2 years to get a denial, so I didn't expect to hear so soon, even though I knew what the answer was. I'm glad they turned me down so quickly so that I can move (on up?) to the next stage: a civil suit. Even though there were material errors the judge made, they still came up with some cockamamie reason why they were going to uphold it. A reason devoid of any logic or reason, but it only adds to my determination to fight it. What else do I have to do besides shake an impotent fist at the SSA and make lewd gestures at them? Not much. All this reminds me of a friend of my ex's whose father had terminal cancer and was trying to get SSI. The man was in a wheelchair, on oxygen, home bound, and had a nurse to care for him full time, yet he fought the SSA for 3 years about whether he was disabled or not. When he got his first denial he wheeled his happy butt down to the SSA and told them that he can't even wipe his own ass, yet he was supposed to be able to do _____?! I can't remember what it was they said he could do. He died before he could win SSI, which I'm sure the SSA breathed a huge sigh of relief that one had died before they had to pull out the dusty, cobweb covered, rarely used "FAVORABLE" rubber stamp. I think they have a posse of trained monkeys to stamp "DENIED" on every application that comes in, monkeys that they buy bananas for with the money they are not giving to the disabled so they can have some semblance of a life -- the disabled, not the monkeys. Maybe I could get a job as a trained monkey. As long as I get a long nap break and can pull out the "FAVORABLE" stamp, I'm game.

If you are thinking you may need SSI any time within the next bazillion years, start saving your pennies now and get on the ball. It is a long drawn out process that has taken me almost 4 years so far and I see no end in the near future. I really want to file a suit against the SSA, against the judge, against the while process. They do not see MS as a disabling disease regardless of the evidence in front of their ugly, brain damaged, stunted reasoning processes, infuriating faces. I hate the whole lot of them, even though I hide it really well. I have a whole army of doctors who have submitted an encyclopedia of evidence to show that I did not find a crackpot doctor who was willing to say whatever it takes to get me disability so I can sit on my butt and do nothing all day. My little sister's ex's sister (still with me? Her ex sister-in-law.) never worked, never wanted to have to work, wanted to sit around and not brush her teeth -- seriously, her teeth are (what are left of them anyway) are rotten butter slabs -- and get paid to do so. She found a doctor in her town willing to say that she had a mental disorder. I don't find terminal laziness to be disabling, but what do I know? First they tried the bi-polar angle but when that didn't pan out and she got denied they changed it to schizophrenia. I've known several schizophrenics in my life and she is not schizophrenic. She finally got disability after 3 years for a diagnosis that changed more than Princess changes her unmentionables. I've had 2 respected neurologists submit their opinions that I can't work, a damning file from a psychiatric hospital, an ugly summary of my mental issues from a psychiatric nurse, the findings of my therapist who has been in the business of shrinking for over 25 years, and even a report from one of the SSA agents themselves, yet none of that meant a thing.

I don't want to start to rail against those who get disability when I may not be able to discern why, because I also know there are people who would think that about me. But I don't give a hoot what others' think. If I thought I could get a job and support myself, I would do it. But I know that I have a legitimate claim and I am not about to drop the case. I have to stop before I disintegrate into negative words and impotent threats that could get me into trouble.