Happy Anniversary

Happy Anniversary to me,
I would rather have been bitten by a plague infested fleeeeea.
I walk like the earth's crooked,
And some days I can't see!

Today is my 3 year anniversary of being diagnosed. I hate when people say they got it on X date, because I can trace mine back to my early 20's knowing what I know now. So I always say I was diagnosed on this day.

Three years ago today I was happily oblivious to any festering problems with my immune system--in fact I had never had any real problems. I remember having my left thigh go numb once or twice in the past, and I didn't know why I had to nap every day when I never had that problem before. I just chalked it up to laziness and the foster care we were doing at the time; I figured it wore me out so much I was more tired than usual. Then came an icy late February day when I got a call from the school that one of my foster girls had wet herself and needed a change of pants and undies. On my way out I slipped on the ice on the front steps and fell all the way down, bruising my ribs and hip. About 2 weeks later I noticed my left leg is numb and I am having terrible double vision--so much so that I had to close one eye to drive. I wasn't going to go to the doctors because I thought it was just a pinched nerve and no big deal. My husband told me to just go because we had already met our deductible and I never go to the doctor when I should. I tried to see the P.A. but when I told them what the problem was they put me in with a doctor. I had a CT scan and the doctor called to tell me that I didn't have a stroke and I don't have a tumor. That was when I realized that something was really wrong. When they told me they suspected MS I wasn't sure exactly what MS was. After I did some research I decided that I did not want it. But of course the ensuing MRI and spinal tap were against me, and silly thing that I was, I thought it was an option whether or not you became disabled. I thought if I got enough exercise, ate right and took the DMDs I could stave off any problems. All I have to say to that is a humorless ha ha and ha. Being the huge genetic loser that I am, I also got a very aggressive disease--my neurologist told me (after I started Tysabri and it was working for me) that I probably would have entered a progressive phase within 2-3 years--that made my blood run cold. I have been on Avonex, Novantrone, Copaxone and now Tysabri. I did the steroids 4 times in about 10 months gained over 50 lbs (and was still not considered overweight. I was very thin when I was diagnosed.). I have come a very long way, even though it may not seem like it. I no longer want to off myself, but have let everyone close to me know that if I ever reach a point that I can no longer care for myself, all agreements about not committing suicide become null and void. The funny thing is I forget what is "normal" for a person of my age. They can stay out till all hours? Not need naps? Walk the entire zoo and not be wiped out the next day? Go jogging, which I miss more than anything. It seems wild and crazy to me. But I also think that it is good that I am adjusting to my own "normal," because thinking about all the things I can't do could get very depressing. On the plus side, I can read all day now, my house is kept clean, I enjoy the cool weather--when everyone else is freezing it feels refreshing to me, I go to bed early so I always get to see the sunrise (my favorite time of the day. I love being the only one up to enjoy the morning all to myself and prepare for the day), and last but not least, I am always here for the little girl I am raising--no babysitters, healthy meals, someone always around to make sure everything goes smoothly and to listen to all she has to say, which is a LOT!